Mark Bell at Film Threat offers a “how-to” crash course on the ways to make the most of your very own celebrity sex tape. Among his pointers:
1.) A shitty camera: No matter how rich you are, or how influential in the world of celebrity, it is a requirement to find the shittiest video camera available at your local department store. Extra points are given for the use of a non-digital camera such as VHS or Betamax, though a cameraphone aimed poorly will do just as well. If you can turn on autozoom, all the better. If you follow step 2, the use of autozoom will make sure that nothing is ever actually in focus.
2.) Poor lighting: Dim the lights as much as possible, and if you have night-vision on the camera, make sure you use it.
3.) The visual composition skills of a blind person: You should aim the camera vaguely in the area of where you will be doing the nasty. If you have a tripod, you should aim it at the bed, zooming in a little to make sure that you and your partner are overloading the screen, with hopefully your nasty ass filling the frame. The inverse can also be true, where the tripod is placed two rooms away, in wide frame, so that you and your partner are indistinguishable from any other pixelated object in the room.