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Hellboy II: Not Quite Shite, Not Quite Worth Thinking About

Hellboy II: Not Quite Shite, Not Quite Worth Thinking About

In lieu of a snarky review from America’s foremost Guillermo del Toro haters, a fascinating photo-montage for your Monday afternoon viewing pleasure:


Is that really Ron Perlman under there? Or is it:


And what’s up with this pair who are teaming up to realize/ruin The Hobbit over the course of two feature films:


Separated at birth?


At least Hellboy II wasn’t Pan’s Labyrinth!

Happy Monday! xoxo – RS.

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I admit my disregard for Pan’s has grown with time for the praise it received, but reading one of the original reviews, I see it also has for the critics. The movie wasn’t terrible, a bit better than hellboy at least, but it was mediocre, irrelevant, and was getting unjustified respect. I think the authors had a similar idea in general but the respect it has acquired makes them more eager to focus on the negative. Similarly, the people who are insulting them with, let’s accept it, pathetic arguments, are reacting to any reaction that goes against their respect for that movie as if their opinion was as blatant and careless as most of their own in here. From what I read, I don’t see the authors placing it as one of the worst movies ever, they do detect its few assets, yet identify and argue about its lack of power which I can’t get why so many people can’t see.

I gotto say I love you guys now from reading around a bit on different sites.


I know! Thank you!

mike lopez

Well, I revised your Pan’s Labyrinth review , Im really disappointed, if you think this film is a piece of sh-*t and you tried to make a point linking your review, well you miss your chance to explain why the film is no good.

Worst of all, in your review you stated that “has none of the texture, mystery, and surprise of actual imagination that it�s garnered the plaudits it has” but you fail to explain why, even worse you try to avoid the topic labeling your own review with lines like “EuroHollywood perfume” and going as far as to change the subject into The Spirit of the Beehive film (??).

My guess is that you don’t know the fantastic genre, not even the horror genre, so you are far away from understanding this film and maybe other Del Toro works.

I suggest you read the Alejandro Jodorowsky point of view on Guillermo Del Toro films, you will be enlightened, but then again, like Jodorowsky says, you might be reduced, that’s up to your state of mind.

Anyway, nice try! ; )

The Rifleman

No one has picked up on the obvious point of this post…that has-been heartthrob Ted Danson really IS the half-cooked superhero Hellboy.


That’s actually not what we were saying . . . at all. But nice try! More to come!


Come on, the movie’s positioning as Art is at least part of the review’s problem with the film.

“Guillermo del Toro, with his execrable new effects-fest Pan’s Labyrinth, returns to his in order to give a gloss of Art to those same banalities of style and sentiment which Verhoeven effortlessly subsumes.”

“While certain informed quarters attempt to elevate select entertainments to the level of art, the far more powerful trend these days is to lower art to the level of entertainment—by simply viewing the employment of a language other than English as marker of a film’s heightened ambition.”

“…del Toro’s EuroHollywood perfume piece gets whisked into the echelons of Art on those “archetypical” inanities of good and evil, mother-love. and childhood innocence.”

“Even in its most grotesque manifestations, however, this inexplicable violence is always tempered by the grey-tinged aura of “seriousness” hanging over the film—this is Art, remember, so Verhoeven’s bright, Technicolored blood geysers just won’t do.”

And the comparison to Spirit of the Beehive is unfair (and the review almost says as much!). They’re dumb movies but they’re entertaining. Hellboy 2 is a lot of fun.


Wow, Pan’s Labia still getting people’s panties in a twist. First of all, you’re dealing with three different writers with three different points of view who have written on the film. One review doesn’t normally stand in for one lumped point of view. That said, we all found ourselves disappointed by the film, to say the least, and it had nothing to do with del Toro “trying to make art,” but rather his final product, which was simplistic, shallow, and worst of all, opportunistic–trying to give his wallowing in grotesquerie a patina of seriousness by giving it a historical context , while del Toro is more interested in gratuitous violence than anything about the Spanish Civil War. And yes, Spirit of the Beehive, which more abstractedly used the horror genre to get at the ghosts of … you guessed it, the Spanish Civil War is not a cray-zee connection. More importantly, it might be fun to revisit some of the hilariously over-the-top comments my own, other, review of Pan’s received upon its release….talk about people who feel attacked when someone shows dissent:

“As someone said, no matter how good your film is there will always be a duschbag [sic] who hates it.” [I’m glad someone said that…]

“Make sure you understand the film before you criticize it!” [I really do need to start watching films more so I can understand them…]

“Call Mommy or Daddy or whichever parent didn’t like you and stop writing about movies. I reviewed most of your website, and you obviously can fool some people with your faux post-modern cynicism, and double-latte attitudes, but those of us who read more than a couple of back issues of Cahier [sic] du Cinema can see right through you.” [I tried calling Mommy, but she didn’t pick up…hmmm…]

“I loved Pan’s Labyrinth, just because its moral dilemmas are simplistic doesn’t mean it’s a bad film.” [really?]

Keith Uhlich

If I may, per that last link, quoth cine-philosoph Jeff Goldblum: “That is one huge pile of shit.”


you guys cant have it both ways!! you said pans labyrinth was crappy because del toro tried to hard to make GREAT ART. but now he makes entertainment and you dont like it either! have you even seen it??


But we should add that review IS coming….

Question: if we exalt Del Toro for being visionary just for making kool kreatures, then why not Clive Barker? Hellboy < Nightbreed.

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