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The 5 Painful Stages Of Colin Farrell Being Offered The ‘Total Recall’ Remake

The 5 Painful Stages Of Colin Farrell Being Offered The 'Total Recall' Remake

1. MILD IRRITATION At Hollywood’s Uncreativity. Having to initially write/regurgitate story that says Neal H. Moritz is remaking the Arnold Schwarzenegger ’80s film. Rehashing bad quote from absurd, yet semi-ludicrous/entertaining original film that probably made original author Philip K. Dick roll over in his grave. Even worse, Len Wiseman, who created the awful “Underworldfilms, but still somehow managed to marry Kate Beckinsale, is directing.

2. ANNOYANCE. Suffering through a non-news story wish-list item that says studios would like to have more mega-successful films; oh, and Colin Farrell as lead in “Total Recall” project. Incidentally, we would like large pectoral muscles.

3. RESENT. Wasting time and energy saying with a straight face, “Hey, remember when Columbia said they wanted Colin Farrell for the ‘Total Recall’ remake? Now they officially made him the offer!” and then pretending you’re not contributing to the downfall of mankind.

4. DREAD. Dreading “Colin Farrell accepts Total Recall film offer’ follow-up story you’ll probably have to write. Further dreading possibility of talented actor realizing this role is beneath him and we have to start this nonsense all over again.

5. ACCEPTANCE. Wondering to self how many exclamation marks Ain’t It Cool will employ in headline. Rethinking offer to write for Marie Claire.

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I really hope Farrell doesn’t take this part. He went the studio tentpole route after his awesome debut in Tigerland and that went real bad real fast. He’s a very good actor with charisma to burn so I hope he becomes one of the “A List” actors. But taking this part would not be the way to go.

Dw Dunphy

I can’t speak for Wiseman as I am not impressed, but considering that Farrell was already in a P.K. Dick adaptation (Minority Report), I think the notion is not as far-fetched as it might read on paper.

Would I go see this movie? Probably not.

Think Hollywood cares? Absolutely not. As the list of pseudo-projects continue to read like a meta-joke of a parody on crack, it’s clear that the powers that be don’t care what they look like to the audience.

Scott Mendelson

It’s why I barely comment on ‘news’ on my own site anymore. Everything starts as a rumor that sounds like something that someone intentionally made up to score hits (‘Hey, did you hear that Tom Hardy might be in Batman 3?’). By the time it filters from probable bullshit to actual confirmed news, no one cares anymore.


aintitcool does use way too many exclamation marks in every single headline.

Katie Walsh

*slow clap*

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