Today NASA announces that it has discovered an arsenic-based bacteria with a DNA block that’s completely alien to everything we’ve ever known. The lifeform was actually found on Earth, in Caifornia’s Mono Lake, but we can assume it came from another world via meteor (or a spaceship of some kind). Is there anything to be afraid of? Well, the first thing I thought of when I heard about the arsenic connection was Ivan Reitman’s 2001 barely veiled “Ghostbusters” remake, “Evolution.” But I recalled incorrectly that the aliens in the film were arsenic-based. They were nitrogen-based. Arsenic was only mentioned when David Duchovny’s character theorizes that the aliens could be killed with selenium the same way Earth’s carbon-based organisms can all be killed with arsenic.
Still, if the science in “Evolution” is correct, we might be able to figure out how to destroy this potential threat, if it quickly evolves into winged dinosaurs and Morlocks and massive blobs. Going by the film’s use of the Periodic Table of Elements to determine the poison of any kind of lifeform, we just have to look where arsenic is, then go down two elements and over one to the right. What do we find? Polonium. Unfortunately, this element is very rare, so we’re going to have to just expect the worst and kill this thing now. If things get out of hand, “Evolution”-style, we might not have enough ammo. It’s not like polonium is an ingredient of dandruff shampoo or anything.
Watch the scene where Duchovny and friends realize the solution after the jump.
Problem solved. Now it’s time to play that funky music.