Are you ready for movies centered around dudes with glistening, oiled up pecs who like, do battle and yell and shit? Well, with “Conan” and “Immortals” on the way you should have your quota filled at least for this year, but if Hollywood has its way, the genre won’t disappear without Brett Ratner delivering his take on sweaty dudes wrestling each other to the death.
Vulture reveals that The Rat is in negotiations to direct the ostentatiously named “Hercules: The Thracian Wars” [cue sound: THUNDER! LIGHTNING!]. This project has been knocking around forever. Way back in 2008 it was announced with Peter Berg directing but he’s since gone on to helm the much more respectable “Battleship” movie. Anyway, it’s based on the Radical Comics book of the same name which has Hercules, and his crew of mercenaries, hired by the King Of Thrace to prepare his men for war [cue sound: THUNDER! LIGHTNING!]. The script is being penned by Ryan Condal, some chump who is going to attempt to turn “Paradise Lost” into a movie (no, we’re not fucking joking).
We need a Brett Ratner Hercules movie like we need an asshole in our forehead. That said, while “X-Men: Last Stand” was a shitstorm, it was also the most successful entry in the franchise. Go figure. Anyway, Ratner’s next film is the ensemble comedy “Tower Heist” which will be notable if it actually turns out to be watchable.