Watch: Taylor Lautner Uses His Apple Products To Discover His True Identity In ‘Abduction’

Watch: Taylor Lautner Uses His Apple Products To Discover His True Identity In 'Abduction'


Oh, those teenage years when you just don’t feel comfortable in your skin and feel like an alien in your own body. How better to address these complex issues than with a Jason Bourne-style action pic starring Taylor Lautner!

The first trailer for “Abduction” has dropped, yet another film of diminishing returns from the used-to-be-awesome director John Singleton. In the film, Lautner plays a young man whose girlfriend logs on to [insert Apple product here] and finds out that Lautner is actually a missing kid whose whole life as he knows it is a lie! Mercy me! Cue a bunch of people including a dead-eyed assassin and Alfred Molina trying to track him down — you know this is a movie because security cameras are suddenly able to broadcast in color in perfect HD. Amazing! And somehow, Sigourney Weaver got convinced to do this but no surprise she hides behind a bunch of balloons.

So yeah, this looks pretty silly but there are a bunch of girls out there fainting at their keyboards with all the steamy kissing and groping going on. Team Meh. “Abduction” opens on September 23rd.

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Comments

Chantelle

It appears Jason Isaacs dies within the first 20 minutes, so that’s ruined any draw I had.

thebox

I am all for the finding and cultivating new action stars, to replace the previous generation of stars, who are all pushing 50 years old. But it is clear Taylor Lautner will not be one of them.

I think Hollywood’s trouble in finding these new stars is 2 fold. First, they are looking too young. (see also Alex Pettyfer, et al). Male action stars tend to break out 25 to 35, and have a run of 10 to 20 years before they burn out. The young male audience likes their action stars older than themselves. I think this is because these guys feel like they and their peers don’t have the grit to survive the situation that the action star is placed in on screen. But they like to imagine that one day, when they are a little older, they will have that grit. So, it is plausible to them that an older guy can do all that stuff, whereas they know their peers can’t.

Secondly, TPTB are trying to turn Rom-Com guys into action stars, like Kutcher and Efron. This is even more baffling than the “too young” mistake. Such guys get lots of tabloid notice, but they never get taken seriously, even by their female fans.

But regardless of looking in all the wrong directions, the generational turnover is a serious problem IMO.

Sean

Bad use of Sleigh Bells song is bad.

Lou

Oh dear…. I guess the world needs a new straight to DVD action “star”.

Kelly

I love Taylor Lautner. I think he’s gorgeous. It’s kind of that you feel wrong for fancying him. I’m 28, have been married for almost two years and have a two month old baby boy. Taylor is amazing. I’d be a cougar for him. But it is wrong.

Katie Walsh

Ha! I am going to enjoy this way more than anyone should.

hmm

This looks amazing! Why aren’t they premiering this at Cannes? Seems like a no-brainer.

Liza

This looks as good as any action movie. You need to take off your Taylor Launter hater glasses and see the movie for what it is: popcorn fun. My ticket +1 is already bought. That trailer is badass good. I have it on repeat. But carry on with your hate, envy and jealousy fanboys.

simon

yeah, don’t know what you guys are watching because that looks really off the charts bad.

jamie

I’ll admit, I was prepared for this to look passable. I mean, action + John Singleton? Even with a weak actor, it seems fairly easy to at least pull out a dumb but entertaining film. But if they couldn’t splice together 2 minutes of compelling footage, well, this could be awful. Because this trailer is terrible.

KitCon

Vin DIesel has found his heir apparent. Star of Fast and Furious XXV

Stephen M

So this is sort of like Hanna, but the bad version. Isn’t it sort of surprising when the movie with the skinny teenage girl is more believable as an assassin then the 19-year-old muscle bound movie star? I can see how tweens might think this looks fun, but for the rest of us it looks laughable.

Worst Film Of The Year?

Early contender for worst film of the year? Looks godawful on every level, but the direction looks especially embarrassing.

Smash Tit-house

wow.. i mean, i don’t know what the hell you three were watching but that looked terrible. Taylor Lautner can’t act for shit. What terrible line deliveries.

jenny

I’ll take this over superhero movie one million and one.

Trent.

That didn’t look bad at all. Color me surprised.

jack

What’s with the snark? And John Singleton is still an awesome director. This proves it. Looks good.

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