Now that I’ve seen it (and still recovering from it), I can tell you that there is both good news and bad news about Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon, opening technically late Tuesday night.
The bad news is that the 2 and half hour film is basically the ultimate fantasy movie for dimwitted, masturbatory, 12 years olds, with severe attention deficit disorder. It’s so relentlessly busy, idiotic and convoluted plot-wise that it will no doubt test your limits. It’s another cinematic example revealing how men have increasingly become nothing but overgrown immature boys.
All the characters are superficial and shallow, and no doubt women will love how the only two women in the film are portrayed in either one of two ways: as furniture in skin tight dresses showing off their ass cheeks, or as a castrating bitch.
And the final 50 minutes, which is a battle royal between good and evil Transformers in downtown Chicago (well basically just centered around Wacker Drive and Wabash, and in front of the Wrigley Building on North Michigan Ave for our Chicago area readers) is so over the top, frantic, aggressive and in your face for what seems like FOREVER, that it actually gets tedious halfway through. The film needs a serious dose of Ritalin. Though the kiddies for sure will love it.
But the good news you’ll love. You can rest easy since the two “Sambots'” – Mudflaps and Skids – are not in it. Remember them? Those two ghetto, jive talking, “ig’nant” black Transformers wearing gold chains, with gold teeth, and who can’t read, don’t appear at all in this new film.
This after Michael Bay’s vocal defense of the characters, and his vow that they would return. But they’re nowhere in sight. Not even a cameo.
Saner heads have prevailed this time.