Okay, listen. We were totally ready to write this off as "G.I. Joe: Rise Of The Cobra" was a complete pile of shit. But goddamn it, enough of this trailer for the sequel "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" works that we're curious, with a very faint glimmer of optimism thrown in.
But let's get a few things out of the way. That electro/BRAAAM remix of the White Stripes tune is kind of the worst thing ever, and the basic plot looks like the writers just grabbed whatever was leftover from the "Mission: Impossible — Ghost Protocol" and "The A-Team" script and patched it together. But then, Cobra unveils their banners on the White House followed by dudes fucking sword-fighting on the side of a mountain. Granted, it looks
totally ripped off inspired by Tsui Hark's "Time & Tide" but the twelve year old in us thought that was fucking cool. And the character intro for Bruce Willis as General Joe Colton was pretty sweet too. Yes, we know — this writer can't even believe he's writing this either.
But that said, Channing Tatum and Dwayne Johnson are already totally forgettable and we don't even know what this movie is about. SWORD FIGHTING ON MOUNTAINS. Okay, the end. Watch below; this thing opens on June 29, 2012.