We try not to be cynical. We try not to let the continual spate of comic book adaptations, board game movies and tired remakes get us down. We try to resist the urge to sit in our garage with the engine running when “Transformers: The Dark Of The Moon” and “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” make a billion dollars apiece. We try to convince ourselves that no one sets out to make a bad movie. We try to let the handful of great films that come out of the studio system every year prevent us from heading down to Mann’s Chinese Theater and setting ourselves on fire outside the premiere of “Battleship.” We try.
But Paramount just broke us. Variety report that the company’s low-budget Insurge label, who had a hit in January with “The Devil Inside,” are developing a feature based around the YouTube video “Ultimate Dog Tease.” You know the one. The clip of a man telling his dog that he’s given food to the cat, with a voiceover given to the dog. Your mom probably forwarded it onto you at some point. 94,000,000 and counting have watched it since it was uploaded last year by Andrew Grantham, who added the voice to footage submitted by friends of his.
And we’ve got nothing against Grantham. He put up something he thought would be funny, it became a phenomenon, and he’s been given the chance to cash in. Good for him. But don’t expect us to give a shit about this movie penned by “Eurotrip” writers Alec Berg and David Mandel. Ah fuck it, we’re off to apply for a job at Yachting Magazine.