I've read more Internet comments in the last week than any sane human being ever should. At first, I was outraged. Comic book geeks — my peer group — leveling cruel, misogynistic attacks against female critics who didn't like "The Avengers." It was mean, it was offensive, and it was embarrassing. Comic book culture is supposedly an inclusive place; this was anything but. Reading this garbage was not how I wanted to spend the days leading up to one of my most anticipated movies of the year. I was looking forward to "The Avengers." Now the whole thing felt a little bit tarnished.
So I guess this is revenge. Not all the angry comments left on film critics' negative "Avengers" reviews were sexist — many of them were just dumb, sometimes hilariously so. I picked the best of the worst and now I present them to you. Please note that other than the emphases added for comedic effect, and occasionally condensing very long rants into shorter ones, I have not altered the language, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, or grammar in any way.
Is this post like picking at a scab? Yeah, a little. But I prefer to think of it as picking at a hilarious scab. Enjoy.
The Ten Most Hilarious Comments on 'Avengers' Reviews
10. Aj L., Rotten Tomatoes:
"Who cares what this peon has to say? The Fresh outweigh the Rotten by a land slide at the moment. All of the TOP critics love the movie. This guy isn't a top critic nor will he ever be one with his snarky ass attitude. Calling people out is very unprofessional."
9. Marvel Fan, Movieline:
"Really…Thor was sooo epic on every level… it was a true masterpiece of filmmaking. Kenneth made a pure classic movie… and if I had to pick… I would easily choose Thor over the original Iron Man. That movie had some major drag time that I literally have to skip when I now watch the movie again. Thor was not perfect, not like Kick-Ass was, but it was close!"
8. Nolan M., Rotten Tomatoes:
"you gave a good review to Twilight… your review is invalid. you could tell a gold mine from a copper mine. if they were labeled. time to get a new profession"
7. okayflint, Rotten Tomatoes:
"i'm usually one to defend the critic, but a great critic would never have that anywhere in their review. you're critiquing a film, acknowledging anything outside of the film is unprofessional. but i should also read the review."
6. Steven, Village Voice:
"O 'deeper meaning' yeah?!? But you're not reviewing "babel" miss, you're reviewing a COMIC BOOK MOVIE, read COMIC BOOK MOVIE…, again COMIC BOOK MOVIE! And in a COMIC BOOK MOVIE you expect FUN, WITS and lots of BOOM, BOOM, POW and this particular COMIC BOOK MOVIE gives MORE than what we expect for. WE ARE ENTERTAINED!… I would rather watch the AVENGERS 99th times and pay 99th times than watch 'BABEL' for even a minute… You get that? You go to movies and pay to get entertained and have fun in the first place, RIGHT PEOPLE?!? RIGHT…"
5. Heber Jr. P, Rotten Tomatoes:
"Yo MR!!! In the first place it's a COMIC BOOK MOVIE, again COMIC BOOK MOVIE… repeat COMIC BOOK MOVIE!!! it's purpose is to entertain people… And this particular COMIC BOOK MOVIE delivers in all corners… Anyway, there must have been a problem with you... Or you must be a very lonely man that you're not having fun while watching this almost perfect COMIC BOOK MOVIE! how sad, if you want something 'not mindless'… Go ahead and play CHESS…"
4. genitals, Village Voice:
"What a load of complete rubbish. Your review is obviously trying to accomplish one thing. Your personal notoriety. Mission accomplished. It comes at a price though. The overwhelming majority think you suck. Congrats"
3. Augusta M., Rotten Tomatoes:
"It's confusing that the rotten review counts the score down 2%, but that you need a lot of fresh reviews to even bring it up 1%. It's surprising that the ones reviewing these rotten are still in a job, not for their opinion, but for unprofessional subjectivity. There's much evidence in the previous films they have reviewed."
2. Mr Unlucky, Movieline:
"This movie is pure blockbuster spectacle. As a film student I am a lover of artistic cinema, something which stirs in us the most beautiful of emotions (in varying ways, some being beautiful in themselves, others beautiful in their ugliness) I am not so much a fan of blockbusters…The child in you has grown to old to see that "spectacle cinema," that which George Melies started on long ago, can still be as exciting as ever."
1. Jeffrey M., Rotten Tomatoes:
"You can definitely not like the plot or genre, but there's no denying this is an amazingly entertaining movie."