Peanut Gallery: Our 10 Best Commenters Of 2013

Peanut Gallery: Our 10 Best Commenters Of 2013

Without our audience, we’d be writing in a vacuum, and may as well keep our thoughts contained in our private, extensive, often downright silly, probably libelous email chains. But that just wouldn’t make us what we are, and it’s really you, the readers, that keep this thing spinning. That doesn’t mean that it’s all sunshine and roses, and we’ve often grappled with some of the more mean-spirited and attention-seeking commenters out there (we’re looking at you, unnamed commenter, and the 750+ comments you’ve left on this blog, and even though you say you hate us, we think you actually loooovveee us), but the Best Comments of the year isn’t about celebrating the most prolific or prickly of our commenters, it’s about celebrating the ones that made us laugh, made us say “huh?” or just generally stunned us with weirdness (the best way to be stunned, naturally). 

There are the K-Stew-crazed, the trailer addicts, and our favorites, those who like to complain about our proofreading. (There’s a whole team of us out there, but sometimes we don’t get to things before you see them or we miss something. We’re always on the lookout for new editors, though so if you have a passion for copy editing, and want to quit whining from the sidelines, let us know! You can start tomorrow!) It’s become something of a tradition to share our favorite comments with you, so let’s get into the 3rd Annual Playlist Best Comments of the Year. We’ve ranked them (according to highly scientific criteria), so if you have any beef with that, or want to shout out your favorite comment or commenter, please do so in the ahem, comments. 

10. “TEAM EDWARDJACE” on “The Mortal Instruments.” 
The comments sections of most (all) of our reviews of popular YA adaptation movies become what our editor Deb calls “a gathering place for crabby tweens sloppily typing on their ipads,” and “The Mortal Instruments” review was no different. This next one is long … but worth it.

guys to those who tihnks its tiwlights its not. i am a huge tmi fan and this is coming frome someone who has read both vooks and seen the movie today which was awesome and seen all the twiight movies. i loved it and i thinks lots of people may be converted at least for the movie , but may not read the books. this review i’m oaky with because it didn’t aggrestively tear it apart. tmi is very plot and character drivenwith elemtns of everything. okay im 21 an icheered and awed and such during a[proate times . the fansgirls knew it wa time to be quier though i’m sure we all inwardly fangirling. eahc my friends who didn’t read the books and is a guy enjoyed the film. young adults love it, teens love it, older peopled do . amle and feamles and some kids like d itwhich i don’t havea problem with as longs as its not so kiddie. it got a really godo reception and was busy for a wed night so imagine the weekdd. also the cahnges were just awesome as the original way they were, the they chanced parts already there and extra bits they w added also were awesome. quotes from the books are in there including directs ones o r ones tht are simliars. also i would they stayed faithful wit the esscenc.e some parts were accelrated from the others books or kept but a bit shortened because nyou know it can’t be 5 hours. i wish it was alittle longer and i loved it and it may have helped if the y had bit more an explanation, but i really don’t have any majorc complaints or rather any in a way. though if you don’t like ya, then or any roamnce really, (and the relationships are important part but not the only major think and the acting was great and it evoked postive emotinal postives and negatives ones but in a godo way. you feel for the charctes even my friend felt it for them at times and he didn’t and he had his oh shit moments. by the way he can’t stand twiligth. some of t tmi ahters i’m pissed at because they are so damn biased. it does help going with a fan so they explain things. also, it’s a balnce of appeasing the fans and fans of the movie who didn’t read the books and genral moviegoers. some changes made sense as awesome as the origna lw were of left in a way that you’ll see it later in films and some of the orders of the scens got changed around but its npt a bad thing.

oh and the actors are really attractie but also great actors and people . and girls ,there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a shirtless guy if its addds to thestory. i am sitten with the male and in way the female characters and the actors. also i think any similaires you may notice may beign to homage and utting a different twist or putting a twist you see in others things and in somes case real life.

If you can understand that, well, you should be happy about your mastery of semi-illiterate teenspeak, or worried you may have suffered a stroke.

9. “Love vs. Hate” on Kristen Stewart
Much like the inspired comments left by rabid RPatz fans (which continue to haunt our dreams, thanks), K-Stew also has her share of defenders. This short news post inspired 130 comments and counting, often disparaging the gal (she gets called a “mouth breather grumpy cat” and “Stoner dirty chick” LOL). But one of her defenders “Love vs. Hate” left a fantastic defense.

Addict? You need to stop smoking all that crack yourself lol. You’ve got the wrong actress sweetie. Kristen is still a cutie and she is only addicted to her craft. Stay pressed!

Stay pressed! You might one of the commenters we might actually want to hang with. Can we hang with you, “Love vs. Hate”? 

8. “Brick Tamlin” on the “Foxcatcher” Trailer
One of our new favorites is the guy who’s been posting full on shot-by-shot trailer descriptions of trailers that might get yanked. Not only is he (he? can it be a woman??) providing a CRUCIAL service, but he always posts under handles of “Breaking Bad” and “Anchorman” characters. Here’s one example from Gareth Edwards‘ “Godzilla” teaser, but in case you missed the “Foxcatcher” trailer, here he is working his magic.

TRAILER description

a helicopter lands outside a huge white house

carell –

do you have any idea who i am

why i asked you to come here today

tatum – No

carell –

i want to speak with you about your future

whay do you wnat to achieve Mark

tatum – i wanna be the the best in the world

carell –

i am a patriot

i want to see this country soar again

carell –

a coach is a father

a coach is a mentor

a coach has great power on an athletes life

cue quick shots of..

carell slaps tatum across the face

mark ruffalo takes aim with a hunting rifle with a scope

tatum hugs ruffalo

carell stares from the crowd

same kinda stare josh hartnett gave when sheen hugs pfeiffer in ‘O’


shooting range

5 people

3 cops in grey uniforms

then steve carell in gymn clothes shooting a revolver

then another cop in grey


narration again

carell – we’re gonna do great things Mark

tatum – I’ll give you everything i have

steve carell walks into the gymn

where people (maybe includine tatum) are seated

and he has the same revolver in his hand


cue TITLE

END OF TRAILER

“same kinda stare josh hartnett gave when sheen hugs pfeiffer in ‘O’”= Amazing. No joke, we’d read an entire blog of these. 

7. “Joe” on The Worst Films of the Year … So Far.
Of course, the “Worst Films of the Year… So Far” inspired a lot of intellectual debate about some of our controversial choices … NOT. It was a black hole of vitriol, “fucks,” and bad spelling. Playlister Chris Bell really rankled some with his choice of “The Place Beyond the Pines,” and that’s his opinion. A lot of you disagreed but that’s OKAY. Here’s one way “Joe” decided to voice his displeasure with Chris’ selection. 

that’s that chris bell you are the human sheet

If Chris Bell is The Human Sheet, he’s Egyptian Cotton 1000-thread count, Joe!

This aggression against Chris Bell has continued to rage, endlessly entertaining us at Playlist HQ, but the culminating moment came on our “Underrated/Overrated” feature, care of “Bob”: 

BOB | DECEMBER 17, 2013 3:57 PM

you are still a shit bell

CHRISTOPHER BELL | DECEMBER 17, 2013 5:30 PM

I will always remember you.

RP | DECEMBER 17, 2013 7:18 PM

Man, cue Sarah McLachlan and my tears and laughter.

Just beautiful. 

6. “Farah X” on Jennifer Lawrence
You might remember when we used to get inundated with comments from Serge about Scarlett Johansson being stolen biological material (we can’t wait to hear what he thinks of “Her”), but it seems the clone conspiracy has moved onto another blonde starlet. “Farah X” tells us what’s up:

Jennifer Lawrence actually died in 2o11 in a boating accident and the new actress receiving all this acclaim is a clone. Bier is one of the few people who has become intimately close with this new clone.

Which makes no sense since the post is about Saoirse Ronan working with Susanne Bier … but no matter. Think Lawrence’s adorable, breath-mint-spilling awkwardness is genetically modified? She may be just too charming to be real.

5. “Brad” on Terrence Howard
We just really like this description of why “Brad” doesn’t like Terrence Howard.

Terrence Howard was one of the only things I didn’t like about that movie. He reminds me of a smarmy guy that used to loiter by the basketball courts in the public park behind the high school. He would drop hints about having stuff for sale. Eventually it was too exhausting trying to ignore him so I found another place to shoot hoops. Perhaps the producers just wanted someplace else to shoot hoops.

Cool story, Brad! 

4. “Fast Sex” on “Furious 6” 
Who would have thought that someone who goes by the handle “FastSex” would have an appreciation for the production design of Jack Fisk? You all are a complicated bunch. Anyway, our friend here schooled us on what it takes to be true Americans. 

I really hope you bros aren’t being sarcastic with this post. This movie is going to own and turn you Terry Malick fans into true Americans. Sure you can get deep about the meaning of love in war, the significance of space time in shaping our destiny, and get down with some sweet Fisk production design, but what you really need is some fast cars, babes, explosions, and Vin Diesel. USA!!!!

And you know what, you’re right, “FastSex,” “The Fast & the Furious 6,” did put some hair on our chests. We’ll never doubt you again. If only all comments ended with “USA!!!!” (RIP Paul Walker.)

3. “Brent” on Kellan Lutz
As always, our Year End features always inspire our most impassioned and heated comments (translation: comments telling us we’re stupid, horrible people), but this one, from “Brent Stein” on our 25 Best Breakthrough Performances of 2013 really made us LOL (instead of contemplating restraining orders).

wtf is kellan lutz? my boy got the snub. now y’all gettin the snub. removin y’all from my favorites. peace

We’d argue that Kellen’s “breakthough” was probably in “Twilight” as the oafish Emmett, and Lutz only starred in something called “Java Heat,” this year, which sounds like a Starbucks blend. Is that what you were talking about Brent? Brent? Brent are you snubbing us? Brent can we make it back on your favorites? BREENNNNNTTT!!!!

2. “CLAIRE P.S. I EDOREU ELLEN” on “Finding Nemo 2”
This one, aside from being totally mystifying (why is an 11-year-old reading our blog? And who knew 11-year-olds were so passionate about Ellen?) just makes us glad that Google didn’t exist when we were kids. 

Hi my name is Claire lamb and the last time i ate a fish was two weeks ago i know i know hold your applause for later But really i can’t wait to hear Ellen be dorky dory that fits right in I’m not saying u r dorky or any thing ellen it’s just that your voice it perfect for dory and I love your show so much I swear someday I just might be on you show i dream of being on it anyway I can’t wait for finding nemo 2 please comment on my comment and also I am only eleven to think of you actually reading this would just fell soo good so can’t wait bye.

Claire’s parents: please confiscate your child’s iPad and replace it with a dictionary. We use the F-word on this site! Please think of your children!

1. “Herry69” on “Red 2”
This comment from “Herry69” on our “Red 2” review gave us a lot to ponder. And a lot for the writers in “hollowood.”

most of the writers in hollowood are absolute idiots ! zero originality, zero imagination, pure ignorance, pure stupidity ! the only thing these pathetic losers can come up with are remakes, sequels, prequels, inaccuracies, b.s. etc. they should do the world a favour and take their stupid cyanide medications so they can shut the f up !!!

That’s right, screenwriters, take your cyanide medications to shut the f up !!! And look for my screenplay, “inaccuracies, b.s.” coming to next year’s Black List!

These represent some heights of crazy that may be hard to attain, but we believe in you. Keep trying and maybe you’ll make the list next year!

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Comments

Gerard Kennelly

http://www dot thehollywoodnews dot com/2014/01/01/first-trailer-for-all-star-le-carre-adaptation-a-most-wanted-man/

A MOST WANTED MAN – Trailer Description
group of people in a cold serious room
philip seymour hoffman voiceover—
you are looking at me at us
but we dont exist not legally not officially
because german intelligence gets the job done

PSH again talking to tech people in front of bourne style screens
we know this boy has friends…
you do not escape russian security or a turkish prison without help
whos helping him and why

PSH voiceover —
our sources dont come to us we find them
we become their friends
their brothers, their fathers, their lovers if we have to
we find out where they hurt
and we pick at their wounds till they beg us to stop
and when they are ours and only then..
it takes a minnow to catch a barracuda
a barricuda to catch a shark

PSH says to willem dafoe —
we have a job to do tommy
youre going to help me do it

dafoe responds–
whats to stop me from just walking away from this
whatever this is

PSH voiceover—
we watch
we wait

PSH says to rachel mcadams in a holding cell —
your choice is between us and nobody
the clock is ticking

robin wright as the CIA says to PSH —
define for us.. what you think the long term objective would be

PSH takes a puff of his cig and responds —
to make the world a safer place… isn't that enough ?
end of Trailer

Gerard Kennelly

GODZILLA TRAILER (that warner bros pulled) DESCRIPTION

warner bros logo in manga lettering

legendary logo in manga lettering

black smoke
crushed buildings
deserted streets
deserted cars

cue voice over maybe the president (sounds kinda like chris cooper)

YOU KNEW THE WORLD WOULD NOT BE THE SAME
A FEW PEOPLE CRIED

we see train deserted looks like something very big stood on it

MOST PEOPLE WERE SILENT
THEY REMEMBERED THE LINE FROM THE HINDU SCRIPTURE

we see a building with a hole in it
it looks like something very big walked straight through it

VISHNU TAKES ON MULTI ARMED FORM

we see several godzilla claws on ground as if dead

AND SAYS

we hear the godzilla scream
sounds like the T Rex in jurassic park if guillermo del toro had directed

NOW I AM BECOME DEATH THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS

at exact 1 min 02 sec we hear a helicopter

through 9/11 style white smoke we can make out godzilla moving

the camera went up and at the very end we see its profile as it roared again

fade to black

G O D Z I L L A

with the red japanese text behind the english

Gerard Kennelly aka brick tamlin

that is me

i am the guy who’s been posting full on shot-by-shot trailer descriptions of trailers that might get yanked

providing a CRUCIAL service ? LOL

working my magic ? thanks very much :)

https://www dot facebook dot com/gerard.kennelly

Jake17

"Hi my name is Claire lamb and the last time i ate a fish was two weeks ago i know i know hold your applause for later"

This is so bizarrely funny and stupid it hurts. I love this site for so many reasons, and one of them is the great sense of humor you have about all these trolls. Keep up the good work.

Someone

''girls ,there's nothing wrong with enjoying a shirtless guy if its addds to thestory'' I just lost it there. Truer words were never spoken.

Joshua Polanski

This is the exact reason why I adore this website. I think I will comment more often..

Joshua Polanski

This is the exact reason why I adore this website. I think I will comment more often..

Frank

I should have been a shoe-in for number one for making Gilchrist cry but those comments got deleted :(

Alissa

How is Alan TrollB not on this list? He is here everyday crying and moaning about something. God, he desperately loves you guys so much.

Dale Earnhardt High School Junior

This New World Order stuff has to go. I know for a fact that Henry69 and Brent are both high level reptilian republicans working on a comment device that will spam blogs with Lutz-love and vitriol for all things humanity. Those little piggies eat up all the sweet treats and don't save any for the make a wishers. I thank god every day that Oscar the Grouch raped Patty LaBelle.

benutty

I adore you guys. I wish you'd unblock me on twitter :((((((((((((

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