Grantland’s Bill Simmons should get a bonus for what will likely be one of their most viral stories, “The Action Hero Championship Belt,” his ranking of the top action stars since the first prototype of the modern model, Steve McQueen. Simmons cleverly narrows his focus to define what an action star is: see how he deftly eliminates mere movie actors who play in action movies and sideswipes westerns, although Clint Eastwood has his day. Tom Cruise (He Who Does His Own Stunts, to the terror of directors like John Woo) deserves better, along with Charles “Death Wish” Bronson, who only rates challenger status, along with Bruce Lee, Steven Seagal, Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, Keanu Reeves and Jean-Claude Van Damme:
Rule No. 1: Over everything else, I need to believe our hero can kick everyone’s ass, in any conceivable situation, at any given time. And he needs to believe this, too.
Imagine the scariest dude on the planet (say, Nikola Pekovic after being fed a 32-ounce Red Bull/cocaine/stanozolol cocktail) beating up an entire bar, and then eventually he comes after our beloved hero. If I am not 100 percent convinced that my dude is winning that fight — OR, if I find it far-fetched that he’s winning it as he’s winning it — then he can’t capture the belt. This rule disqualifies A-listers like Harrison Ford, Tom Cruise, Paul Newman, Keanu Reeves, Robert Redford, George Clooney, Will Smith, Ben Affleck and Tom Cruise a second time, as well as everyone who ever played James Bond, Ethan Hunt, Jason Bourne, Iron Man, Batman or any other manufactured studio hero.
And so, naming his own personal Top Movie Stars (since 1932, Quigley has listed the top ten box office performers), Simmons picks the action heroes who meet his definition every year since the reign of McQueen began with “Bullitt” in 1968. He skips over all-time Quigley top ten champ John “Duke” Wayne, who to his mind represents an older western hero archetype, as well as Burt Reynolds, who made the Quigley list 12 times during the 70s and 80s and only gets as far as a challenger to Eastwood here. Yes, Eastwood repeatedly makes Simmons’ cut– along with Arnold “The Terminator” Schwarzenegger, Sly “Rambo” Stallone, Mel “The Road Warrior” Gibson, Chuck Norris, Nic Cage, Bruce “John McClane” Willis, Vin Diesel, Denzel Washington, Jason Statham, Jackie Chan, and today’s Ultimate Action Hero: Liam Neeson. One woman qualifies, deservedly: Uma “The Bride” Thurman.