The TCA press tour is full of quirks that don’t get broadcast to a general audience, because, frankly, a general audience wouldn’t care. (Or should not find out about — seriously, you don’t want to know how much food gets served over these two weeks.)
Here is, technically, one of the less intriguing elements of this event: Each session that occurs under the TCA banner is transcribed in full by a noble human being doing good works. Yesterday, a “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” session held on the set of the Fox sitcom did not break with that tradition; however, the stenographer was seated in the eyeline of the (hilarious) cast and producers, who were delighted by her presence and called attention to it after addressing a question about the relationship between Joe Le Truglio and Melissa Fumero. The best way to showcase their reaction? Use the actual transcript she transcribed, as seen below:
MIKE SCHUR: There’s some old-timey stenography happening up here.
DAN GOOR: Everything is all going to be entered into a court of law.
CHELSEA PERETTI: Will there be a Q and A with you afterwards? (Laughter.) I don’t know how that works.
MELISSA FUMERO: That’s what I’m waiting for.
MIKE SCHUR: How is that recording anything? There’s, like, eight total keys.
CHELSEA PERETTI: Yeah.
PANELIST: That’s the whole point of stenography.
CHELSEA PERETTI: She won’t talk to us.
ANDY SAMBERG: She’s the best. Don’t question it.
QUESTION: Technically, she’s doing fine.
MIKE SCHUR: I believe you. She looks extremely competent. I just don’t understand it.
CHELSEA PERETTI: She’s writing these words.
ANDY SAMBERG: I know.
MIKE SCHUR: Watch this: I am a stenographer. (Laughter.) I am a stenographer. I am a stenographer. (Laughter.) She’s still writing it.
DAN GOOR: That’s great.
MIKE SCHUR: She has no choice. (Laughter.) Your boss is going to think you went crazy. (Laughter.)
CHELSEA PERETTI: I resign. I resign. I resign.
DAN GOOR: My boss is a pig.
MELISSA FUMERO: She can’t write that one. She can’t write that one.
She clearly did, however (because that’s all from the transcript she wrote). So let us raise a glass to that noble stenographer, who did not hesitate to transcribe the people mocking her.
The TCAs continue until next week. Keep the stenographers in your prayers.