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Let’s Caption the Hollywood Reporter’s Nic Pizzolatto Photos

Let's Caption the Hollywood Reporter's Nic Pizzolatto Photos

Nic Pizzolatto does not take criticism well: In Lacey Rose’s Hollywood Reporter profile, which hails him as one of TV’s "new disruptors," he rails against the critics who who raised issues with "True Detective’s" treatment of its female characters, which Rose obligingly demotes to "a trending topic among bloggers." (Did you know the New Yorker is a blog? Well, now you do.)

Those who hammer the character of Marty’s wife, Maggie, played by Michelle Monaghan, for being flimsy are missing the point. If her point of view had been shown and she had remained a lightweight, he acknowledges, then those jibes would have more validity. But the first season, he argues, was conceived as a close point-of-view show, wholly told through the eyes and experiences of the two male characters. "You can either accept that about the show or not, but it’s not a phony excuse," he says, unable to hide his frustration. He adds that he consulted his friend Callie Khouri on the matter: "When Callie, who wrote ‘Thelma & Louise,’ thinks that that’s stupid criticism, I’m inclined to take her opinion over someone with a Wi-Fi connection."

In other words, some of his best friends are vaginas, so shut up.

But if Pizzolatto doesn’t take well to criticism, he still takes a mean photograph, as evidenced by Reporter’s lushly illustrated article. We see Pizzolatto sitting atop a partially disassembled motorcycle, which is evidently too much of a disruptor to ride standing up, sitting in a pickup truck with his arm outstretched, as if to say, "Hey lady, let me explain things to you," and butting his head against a wall, because — he butted his head against some walls?

The photos, which are as beautiful and as overwrought as "True Detective" itself, practically cry out to tell their own story. So we thought we’d write our own captions, and suggest you post your own below.

"Oh hi, I didn’t see you there. Please come into my basement, which I have emptied out to suggest the dark void of man’s soul."

"Did I mention that Season 2 is going to have a prominent female role? The ‘Thelma & Louise’ woman is totally my friend."

"Don’t you know I have feelings, Emily Nussbaum?"

"And now I must go. You have made Nic Pizzolatto sad."

This Article is related to: Features



Cover: "Plagiarism and the Art of Motorcycle Sqautting"

1) "Have you read Thomas Ligotti? No? In that case I want to introduce you to a philosophical mythos which I created entirely on my own without pilfering the work of others."

2) "And do you always listen to your parents? Did I mention that I have candy in my pocket?"

3) "Alas, I will never be as tall as the shadow I have cast from the silhouettes of others."

4) "Who knew that the road to nowhere would be so desolate? I’ll just take the parade route through the first couple of blocks and circle back around for a few laps before dropping by the bank."


The ‘journalist’ who wrote this piece of trash article should be fired. What a joke.


The one in the car says, "I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I’m not sweating it either."


Wi-Fi connection? I'm on the LTE Edge network fool! WHAT NOW?!


That some high level journalism right here pal… Emily Nussbaum-level.

Tonja Walket

Pic 1…ok…so if the women says it's okay and the man really loves her…Are you sure you want to gave this conversation , now?
2nd Pic…WOW Stella. are looking sooo good.


1) THR, why are we doing the shoot in this abandoned warehouse when my index finger has clearly been horribly mangled?
2) The latest fashions from Old Navy's "Sentient Meat" lineup
3) Pizzolatto, seen here impressively moping for six consecutive minutes without a cut
4) I don't get it, Kurt. I told the critics to piss off while wearing a cool biker jacket. I thought you said that sort of thing makes you likeable.

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