Hey, squirrel friends!
Mama Ru is back and she’s brought a fierce pack
of blood thirsty queens with her. You can check back here weekly for our recaps
and readjusted Queenly Rankings.
Now, let’s read these b*tches for filth! Or, at
least assign a totally subjective ranking based on their performance in week
the briefest of recaps: The queens were introduced,
then faced down a “mini” challenge that was actually a “maxi”—a RuPaul’s
Fashion Week first, where each queen had to show off their best fall and spring
looks—followed by a main runway where the contestants had to tear away a resort
look to reveal a nude illusion. Violet Chachki was the clear winner after going
fully nude, with Miss Fame and Kennedy Davenport just tailing her. Kandy Ho’
and Tempest DuJour landed in the bottom two and tried their darndest to lip
synch to RuPaul’s rap and dance beat-heavy “Geronimo.” Unfortunately, Ms.
DuJour—who was one of my favorites throughout the episode, and the oldest
contestant ever to appear on the program—was sent packing.
Definitive Ranking of Ru’s Queens (Season 7 Style): For our purposes, the
eliminated queen will be ranked last; everyone else’s spot is fair game!
14. Tempest DuJour —
It’s with a heavy heart that this funny lady
appears last on our list. Her elimination was not deserved (though Kandy did
best her in the lip synch); she never should’ve been in the bottom two. I
understood the judge’s reasons—saggy nude illusion, meh runway fashions—but she
could’ve gone places. R.I.P. Tempest!
13. Sasha Belle —
This girl. Ugh. From the second she entered in
that uninspired orange and white get-up spouting Scarface one liners, I knew there was nothing I would be able to
recommend about her. Dull looks and an all-too-apparent lack of maturity, both
in her artistry and personality. Next!
12. Jasmine Masters —
I like Jasmine, I really do. And her
midriff-bearing outfits and too-huge earrings were on point. But she’s already
displayed an inability to articulate ideas (a huge downfall in any group
challenges) and a personality verging on TOO MUCH. I’m glad the judges did not
put her up for elimination as I want to see what she can do, but I’m not
holding out hope.
11. Kandy Ho‘ —
She rocked out that lip synch (shout out to
Ginger Minj for astutely describing Ms. Ho’s dance moves as resembling a “bully
who wants to beat the sh*t out of you after school”) and I thought her fashions
were actually fine. But she’s got a nasty attitude and seems a little
over-confident. Ru already read her for not knowing how to sew: how great can
10. Max —
I am simultaneously annoyed and mesmerized by
Max. I love the spare makeup and, believe it or not, she’s already given us a lot
of looks: “Queen of England” upper-crust glamor, “Tilda Swinton” runway swag,
and pseudo-Sharon Needles creepy realness. But that fake accent is grating and
I am unconvinced that she can step up in comedy or music challenges. Color me
9. Mrs. Kasha Davis —
I really have very little to go on for this
celebrity housewife, other than that she’s famous because of “that one time she
performed in Canada.” That’s funny. She seems funny. And put together. And like
a generally talented queen. Nothing to critique, nothing to live for.
8. Jaidynn Diore Fierce —
Whether or not Jaidynn can rock Dior(e) or turn
out a capital-F Fierce performance remains to be seen. But this queen makes me
happy. She’s bubbly, she’s funny, she
seems genuinely excited to be on RPDR,
and she appears to be at least moderately talented. I’d vote for her to stay
simply because she doesn’t have a chip on her shoulder, an all-too-rare
occurrence on this show.
7. Ginger Minj —
She’s already supplied a couple of the best
one-liners this season and she’s gorgeous and well put together in drag. I have
a feeling she could really work out a lip synch and she’ll also excel in the
comedy challenges. I’m leaving her middle-of-the-pack for now because her
“pretty” is a little boring compared to a couple of the queens and her comedy
doesn’t come with any particular schtick.
6. Miss Fame —
There are fishy queens and then there are fashion queens. Miss Fame could fool you
in daylight on the streets of New York or on the runways at Lincoln Center. She
seems like she may be able to deliver some comedy and maybe even dance, plus
she’s got a genuine quality to her personality that so many gorgeous girls
often lack. I can see her rising in my ranks, but not necessarily falling;
that’s a good first impression.
5. Trixie Mattel —
There are always some odd queens on Drag Race, but Trixie Mattel is
confident enough in her over-the-top clown makeup look to go far. Her Fashion
Week outfits were fierce–and she’s clearly not afraid to show off a little leg.
Her main runway resort-wear and nude illusion had a concept (tennis champ
Barbie realness!), which most of the queens didn’t even attempt. She would have
been in my top three for the week, but I am admittedly reading the possibility
of acting/comic chops into her look. For now, she’ll sit pretty at 5.
4. Katya —
This Russian beauty is located at “the
intersection of glamor and comedy, selling her ass!” For my money, Katya has
delivered on her performative promise better than any queen this season,
selling some serious high fashion, a fabulous hippy-chic nude look, and
hilarious commentary (including the instant classic: “When in doubt, show ‘em
your asshole!”). She’s bilingual, smart, and doesn’t seen intimidated. We can
only hope she’ll have the balls to read Putin!
3. Pearl —
I’m going to admit some personal bias with this
one. Pearl has not shown a ton of promise, beyond her really freaking fabulous
Fashion Week looks which felt all but ignored by the judges. But I am somehow
drawn to her beauty, her over-it attitude, and the seeming purposefulness of
her slow, sultry walk. Also, she’s really really
cute out of drag. BUT, to give myself a little credit, videos of her show
she can turn out a musical performance, work loads of different looks, and
deliver comedy. Let’s hear her speak and then decide, okay?
2. Violet Chachki —
I wish I didn’t think she was going to do well.
But I do. Violet really rubbed me the wrong way this week; her confidence
translates into bitchiness and that translated into some of the more genuinely
rude/mean moments of the episode. That being said, she was brave to go
full-nude on the runway and her Fashion Week looks were everything. Watching new judge Carson Kressley literally lose his
balance when she unveiled that tartan look was this week’s high point. She’s
got charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and, well, let’s hold off on talent ‘til we
see her sing, dance, or act. Her strong point is “aesthetics” after all.
Kennedy Davenport —
She’s just got it. Miss Kennedy Davenport, the
Dancing Diva of Dallas, TX, reads as one talented f*cking queen. Her looks were
all spectacular, and we can only hope that when she inevitably does Oprah in
the Snatch Game she will turn it out and give us comedy, too. She’s got a
friendly demeanor tinged with an appropriate level of self-confidence, and she
really comes to life when she dons her makeup and wig. I’m feeling her and I
honestly just cannot wait to see her dance!
That’s it for this week, ladies! Check back next
Tuesday for a new set of rankings and an episode recap.