Hey, squirrel friends!
Mama Ru is back and she’s brought a fierce pack
of blood thirsty queens with her. You can check back here weekly for our recaps
and readjusted Queenly Rankings.
Now, let’s read these bitches for filth! Or, at
least assign a totally subjective ranking based on their performance in week
All Shade—Here’s the Recap:
What a mindfuck of a week, am I right? The wrong
person went home (arguably the wrong people were in the bottom two), the wrong
person won the challenge, and I am spotting less and less consistencies in my
rankings from week to week. What are you doing to us RuPaul?!
Alright, let’s get to it, kittens.
“Jasmine gave us all that energy,” says Ginger
as the girls walk into the work room after last week’s elimination. “It’s not
there anymore!” What kind of energy? Miss Fame gets it right: “Jasmine was the
bad seed of the bunch.” Mmmmmhm
Right off the bat people start questioning
Pearl, and she just seems out of it. Will she ever be excited to be here and
live up to her beautiful clothes and looks?! God, I hope so.
There’s not even a mini challenge this week,
which means the maxi-challenge is gonna be HUGE! The queens are tasked with
rewriting some of RuPaul’s greatest hits as spoofs, recording the song in a
studio, getting looks together, and choreographing and performing a music
video. Dayum! #PunnyOrDie!
The queens have to divide themselves into three
teams, and they shake down as follows:
“Sissy That Walk:” Violet Chachki, Jaidynn Diore Fierce, and Max
“Dance With U:” Katya, Miss Fame, Trixie Mattel, and Pearl
the Music Play:” Kennedy Davenport, Ginger Minj, Mrs. Kasha Davis, and Kandy
We don’t spend too much time with the teams as
they plan, but it is clear that Miss Fame and Pearl are going to have a problem
getting along and that Max—who suddenly announces he won’t do a vulgar
parody—might tick off his teammates.
In the recording studio, “Dance With U” is
transformed into “Tan With U.” Miss Fame kind of sucks at singing even though
she claims she can do it well; Katya is already too funny and I cannot wait to
see her performance; Trixie is decent; and Pearl struggles, but mostly because
Miss Fame can’t just let her do her thing. Cool your shit, Fame!
“Sissy That Walk” transforms into “Get Ready to
Clock,” and the team decides to play versions of Bianca del Rio, Adore Delano,
and Courtney Act from last season. Jaidynn is shockingly funny, while Violet
cannot sing at all and insults Lucian
Piane, RuPaul’s long time producer.
Finally, “Let the Music Play” becomes “Bitches,
I Got Paid,” a send-up of RuPaul’s rags to riches drag story. Ginger is
reliably fantastic, Kennedy is funny, and Mrs. Kasha Davis is…not a singer
and never will be.
Fast forward to the runway—after the queens
recorded their videos, which were all kind of a mess—and category is: Green!
Huh? Ru seems embarrassed even saying it out loud to guest judges Lucian and
Jessica Alba (also a big question mark there). Anyway…
The runway is relatively dull but there are a
few standouts: Pearl’s slinky snake-inspired look (she also clearly tried to
liven things up and look less tired), Max’s Marie Antoinette with pasties
ensemble, and Violet’s stunning feather-encased showgirl with an ass of gold
Then the queens watch the finished music videos
and cower in fear, but actually, they are all way better than they seemed like they’d be while they were filming.
“Get Ready to Clock” is the standout, with each
of the queens really embodying their respective queens from last season (points
off for creativity there, though); Jaidynn is the best of the bunch
impersonating Bianca Del Rio with a permanent scowl and clown makeup. “Tan With
U” is alright, but only because Katya steals the show, Fame is mildly funny,
and they edited out the bad bits. And finally “Bitches, I Got Paid” is a great
mockery of Ru’s success and never-ending products, but no one, in my eyes at
least, really stands out.
The top three turn out to be…Kennedy
Davenport, Katya, and Jaidynn Diore Fierce, the best queen from each of their
respective videos. And the challenge winner is…
Kennedy Davenport…? Meh. She was funny, and it
is certainly a huge turnaround from last week in the bottom two, but this was
Jaidynn or Katya’s to win for sure. Oh well.
The bottom three are…Pearl, Kandy Ho’, and
Trixie Mattel. Pearl still seems lazy and confused, Kandy faded way into the background, and Trixie
dropped the ball big time on a challenge she should have theoretically won.
Kandy is, unfortunately, safe (cue the
collective groan from whatever bar you’re watching in) which means BFF’s Pearl
and Trixie—they worked together in Chicago prior to being cast on the show—are
facing off in the lip synch.
The queens perform “Dreaming” by Blondie and it is rather
uninspired all around. Trixie is cartoonish and fun, but a little too light on
her feet compared with Pearl, who stomps around awkwardly and waves her arms a
lot but ultimately comes across with a fierceness and passion we haven’t yet
seen. The close-ups on her face show a queen who may just be ready to take on
this competition, though forreal, if she stays in and fucks up even once Ru is
going to send her home.
Pearl…shantay, you stay (collective gasp from
whatever bar you’re watching in).
Which means Trixie, sashay away. TOO SOON! Who
could have seen this coming? One minute she’s toward the top of the pack, and
the next she’s sent home by a queen who has not impressed at all. Wowza.
I think we can all agree that it would have been
preferable to see Pearl and Kandy in the bottom two. And, had she brought the
same fiery-eyed performance, Pearl could have sent her home and we’d all be
happy. Maybe next week, folks. Maybe next week…
Turn to the next page for a new ranking of Ru’s Queens.
Definitive Ranking of Ru’s Queens (Season 7 Style): For our purposes, the
eliminated queen will be ranked last; everyone else’s spot is fair game!
Trixie Mattel —
Oh boy, this one pains me. Trixie really
struggled with this challenge, and although it may not be the popular opinion,
I did think her lip synch, while characterized, was pretty weak. She should not
have gone home so soon, and I am sure she could have gone far, so this one
I have no words. If she doesn’t impress next
week, Ru may just send her packing without having to lip synch. I am glad she
stayed, and the judges got to see her emotional side—if you’ve been following
Untucked you know she’s slightly more interesting than her show persona. But wow,
she really is struggling.
Should have been in the bottom because you
almost could have gone the whole episode without realizing she was even there.
She’s forgettab…I forgot who I was talking about. Next!
Great look on the runway, fine impression of
Courtney Act, but I think her time may be running out. She just doesn’t have
the passion. We shall see.
She was surprisingly funny in the music video,
but she really needs to be less of a control freak. I do not want to see Fame
fall to the pressure and become the season’s next bitchy queen. But it could
definitely happen. Lighten up, girl!
Consistently funny, consistently polished, and
consistently unsurprising. Girl needs to bring something fresh to the table
A surprising, and undeserved, win for a queen
who was in the bottom two last week. Still, this shows that that may have
simply been a fluke since you wouldn’t necessarily think of the dancing diva of
Dallas as a comedy queen at first glance.
She is just hilarious. All. The. Time. She needs
to really show off in a stand-up challenge, and I cannot wait to see what she
does for Snatch Game—crossing my fingers for Vladimir Putin! She’s in it to win
Jaidynn Diore Fierce
Fab-u-lous! Her performance as Bianca was the
highlight of this week, her runway looks (while a bit to metallic for my taste)
are always polished, and she makes vivacity and youth look fun as opposed to
inexperienced. Which brings me to…
…Miss Violet. Hyper-talented, funny, and with
epic looks up the wazoo. But god is she immature. She needs to rely more on the
fantastic talent we all can see instead of the bitchiness she’s letting ooze
out. No me gusta.
I just can’t stop loving the Ging! She’s been
the best part of her teams the last two weeks, and I think she is going to slay
the Snatch Game and stand-up in the coming episodes. It helps that she is the
most consistent and hilarious commentator throughout each episode, even as she
remains one of the sweetest. A sassy little diva with a heart of gold and early
stages of emphysema: what’s not to love?!