Hey, squirrel friends!
Mama Ru is back and she’s brought a fierce pack
of blood thirsty queens with her. You can check back here weekly for our recaps
and readjusted Queenly Rankings.
Now, let’s read these bitches for filth! Or, at
least assign a totally subjective ranking based on their performance in week
All Shade—Here’s the Recap:
This week’s runway is, I think, my favorite in Drag Race herstory, so if you only have
one minute to read this, skip ahead and find that part of the recap, okay?
Mrs. Kasha Davis is gone, and Kandy is proud of
herself when she enters the workroom. She should be; she’s a fierce as hell lip
syncher. But she may want to consider
just doing well enough in the challenges to not end up on the bottom!
The next day Ru joins the queens and announces
the mini-challenge, which is perhaps the most asinine of this season yet:
Monster In My Pants! Basically, the Pit Crew has expanded to nearly twenty
oiled-down, bulged out beauties. The objective is for the queens to gain points
by calling out the boys based on the names on their caps (Mary, Spike, Jack,
etc…); each boy has a number or a monster in their undies, and if the queens
choose a monster, they’re disqualified. Whoever has the most points without
picking a monster, wins!
“I don’t know the rules of this game, I don’t
care. All I want to know is when I get to fuck them,” Katya laments! We’re
right there with you, queen.
Ginger Minj is the only one to freeze her points
before picking a monster, so she is the winner of the challenge! She gets to
pick teams for the maxi-challenge: #RuHollywoodStories, a reenactment series in
which the queens will act out the plot to “Whatever happened to Merle
Ginsberg?” Ru reminds the girls that Merle was her co-host for the first two
seasons of the show before getting edged out by Michelle Visage—that’s some
Ginger breaks down the teams as follows:
Story: Ginger Minj, Kennedy Davenport, Katya
Story: Pearl, Miss Fame, Jaidynn Diore Fierce
Michelle’s Story: Violet Chachki, Max, Kandy Ho’
The teams split up and work on their lines and
casting: in each video, one queen plays Ru, one plays Merle, and another plays
Michelle Visage! Pressure, pressure, pressure.
Ginger’s team films first, then Violet, Max, and
Kandy, and finally Pearl, Fame, and Jaidynn. Kennedy Davenport, Kandy Ho’, and
Jaidynn seem to be the weakest links on each team, but no one really stands out
as particularly great either. Only Ginger seems to be having fun with her super
butch Michelle Visage!
The episode moves swiftly along, and it is
already time to get ready for the runway. Jaidynn gets emotional while the queens
are talking about their families. She reveals that she has not come out as gay
to her family, and that her mom even goes so far as to suggest that Jaidynn
will find a wife someday.
“Either I will do what my family wants me to do
and be unhappy,” she says, “or I can do me.” Yikes. This is a truly sad moment,
and also one of the reasons Drag Race is
so great; these queens are real people filled with important stories. That they
all happen to be gay and get the chance to share those unique stories is powerful.
I’m pulling for you, Jaidynn!
Alright, it’s runway time. Here’s where things
get good, hunty. Category is: Death Becomes Her—how would your drag persona
die? Guest judges are Merle Ginsberg, of course, and…Ariana Grande? Hmm.
“This is the best day of my life,” she tells Ru, and I actually kind of believe
Now, let’s break with tradition and rank this
undead house down, alright? The
ensembles, from worst to best…
9. Kennedy Davenport — It’s basically a beige-ish brown jumpsuit with some blood spilling
out of the sides and a feather headdress? Her story—something about a drag
queen hooker who is burned alive and crystallizes into a beautiful glamazon—is so not passable. Even so, she looks
8. Kandy Ho‘ — She’s a vampire. That’s not really
a way you die, but maybe something was lost in translation. Anyway, the
dress is fabulous, and she rocks those sharp canines; in any other runway day
this would be great, but this time things are turnt!
7. Ginger Minj — She is getting eaten by a bear, which is hilarious, but it’s still
sort of her same old glamor look. Pretty dress with a fur, basically.
6. Miss Fame — She’s been stabbed through the head by her lover’s wife, and she
looks gorgeous doing it! Loving the 1920’s Hollywood ensemble, and that head
piece and dripping blood is everything, but it is still a little safe.
5. Jaidynn Diore Fierce — Wrapped up in barbed wire while trying to escape prison, yes
ma’am! The makeup is on point, the hair is great, and the orange jumper is
shredded in all the right places. The best she’s looked yet, and that isn’t
4. Pearl — I’m not sure that I know how she died. Strangulation? A bad fall?
No matter, cause this broken down body of Pearl’s looks killer, and she is
selling the comedy so fabulously! She’s definitely woken up. Kudos.
3. Katya — “I’m doing my best Tara Reid in Sharknado.” It’s so on point that she almost didn’t have to explain
it. Sure, it’s reliant on that funny shark-wrapped-around-the-leg prop, but the
sailor outfit is great and Katya is hilarious as always.
2. Max — This look is simple and elegant, straight out of a black and white
film. Max acts the shit out of the broken-hearted woman so depressed that she
actually cuts out her own beating heart. Her entrance onto the runway is just
1. Violet — The look to end all looks! Even if this runway hadn’t been so top
notch all the way through, Violet’s show-stopping corseted waist would still be
my favorite ensemble in Drag Race history.
She literally has like, an 18in waist, and an oxygen tank, and she’s fucking
gorgeous. How did she die? She gagged on her own eleganza, and so did we all.
Thanks for indulging me, y’all! Moving on…
Next up are the screenings of the finished Ru
Hollywood Stories episodes. Honestly, they are all relatively interchangeable
and uninspired. Not Ru’s best challenge to date, and they’d make the episode
pretty uninteresting if the runway hadn’t been so killer.
The judges feel that Ginger, Kennedy, and
Katya’s team edged out the competition with their comedy and KATYA is declared
the winner! She had the best look on the runway, her performance has been solid
all season (except for that one undeserved time in the bottom two), and she was
funny in the video. Very happy for her!
The rest of the queens get what’s coming to ‘em,
and the judges are particularly hard on Violet, Jaidynn, and Kandy’s
performances. They tell Pearl that she has finally woken up (!!!) and she,
along with Violet, Miss Fame, and Max are safe.
That means Jaidynn and Kandy are the bottom two.
They lip synch to Ariana Grande’s “Break Free.” Kandy’s got the intensity and
the signature Grande high ponytail, but Jaidynn is delivering some fierce moves
and emotion. “This is gonna be a nail biter ‘til the end,” notes Ginger, and
it’s true. Kandy isn’t as much of a shoo-in to go home as I thought, given that
this is her third time in the bottom two.
Still, Mama Ru gives it to Jaidynn Diore Fierce!
Shante, you stay!
Kandy Ho’, sashay away.
As much as people hate on Kandy, she was a
pretty solid queen who happens to not have the same polish as a lot of these
other girls. And she got more likable as the episodes progressed. It was her
time to go, but she did it with grace and one of the best lip synchs of the
Head to the next page for a definitive ranking of Ru’s queens…
Definitive Ranking of Ru’s Queens (Season 7 Style): For our purposes, the
eliminated queen will be ranked last; everyone else’s spot is fair game!
Oh, Kandy. I’m glad you went out gracefully, and
you may just be the best lip syncher this season! Sadly, it was just your time.
Jaidynn Diore Fierce —
I place her here regretfully, because I think
she is very very talented. But a lot of the queens seem to be noticing her
weaknesses, and Kennedy was right when she said that Jaidynn may well be
Jaidynn’s worst enemy if she can’t take a breath and relax.
The judges advised her to listen as opposed to
talking so much, which indicates that her charm may have worn off relatively
quickly. I think she’s got a lot left to give, but it wouldn’t be shocking to
see her in the bottom two in the next couple weeks either.
6. Max —
This is admittedly my own bias talking, but Max
gets on my nerves. She’s a little too prim for my taste, and I think for
Michelle Visage’s, too. She’s done well, but I think she needs to put another
foot forward (maybe something really sexy) and show versatility.
Kennedy Davenport —
She’s as solid as ever, but definitely hasn’t
wowed me as much as she did in the beginning of the competition. There have
been a lot of acting challenges, and it’s hard to take her seriously when Katya
and Ginger are on either side of her. I just want to see her dance, honey!
4. Pearl —
Pearl has really found some self-confidence and
pizzazz these last couple weeks. Sure, she’s a little unvaried in her
personality in the acting challenges, but she delivers great looks, is often
very funny, and has a deadpan delivery that I jive with. Proud of her!
She may have ended up lower on this list were it
not for her stunning runway this week. Violet is clearly not an actress, and I
want to see what she can do with the Snatch Game. But it’s also nearly
impossible to imagine seeing her sent home anytime soon. She’s great.
Always funny, always beautiful, and always a
little raunchy, Ginger Minj is here to stay. I will say that her attitude,
especially in the Untucked episodes, has begun to grate on me; she’s a little
too bitchy for her own good. But her reads are on point and she’s got the
talent to back them up!
1. Katya —
A well-deserved win for a well-rounded queen.
Katya is gorgeous, off-the-walls, and very funny. Like Violet and Ginger, it is
hard to imagine her being on the bubble anytime soon, and right now, she leads
the pack. Get it, gurl!