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What Makes Gay Sex Gay Sex and Straight Sex Straight Sex?

What Makes Gay Sex Gay Sex and Straight Sex Straight Sex?

The honest, human complexity of emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sexual evolution and fluidity that most of us experience in our lives often seems misrepresented or ignored in media and personal conversation even.  Through my work, I try to find a deeper understanding of all I don’t know, which is of course most everything, and also, in doing so, hopefully illuminate a little for those who are also trying to find their truth.  Opening up and creating a fun, safe place for the conversation to flourish is a worthy endeavor to pursue for all of us. 
Here’s a scene from my new film “Boy Meets Girl.”
INT. RURAL KENTUCKY – CAR – DAY
Ricky is a 22 year-old transgender girl, Robby is her 22 year-old cis gender best friend. They ride down a country road in his 77’ Olds.
RICKY – So, since you’re an expert, what are the definitions of “gay sex” and “straight sex?”
ROBBY – Straight is a penis going into a vagina.
RICKY – So, I’m straight?
ROBBY – No.
RICKY – Well I put my penis in a vagina last night.
ROBBY – Which I still can’t believe but, OK, yeah, so last night, by doing that, you were straight.
RICKY – Even though I have breasts.
ROBBY – Yeah, whatever.  If you have a dick and you stick it in a vagina, that’s straight sex.
RICKY – Then what’s “gay sex” for a woman?
ROBBY – Gay for a woman is when she rubs her vagina and breasts on another woman who has a vagina and breasts… Or whatever they want to do, kiss, scissor…
RICKY – Ooh, look at you.
ROBBY – Hey. I’m knowledgable in the arts of the various sexual arenas.
RICKY – Please, you thank God for Glee every day or you’d still think “scissoring” was a mixed martial arts tap-out hold.
Robby rolls his eyes.
RICKY (CONT’D) – So what’s gay for a boy then. Since you’ve so eloquently covered the lesbians.
ROBBY – That’s easy. A male penis in a male butt.
RICKY – Ok. So you’re a full on straight dude.
ROBBY – Yes.
RICKY – Never bi curious in the least.
ROBBY – Not even a little. 
RICKY –  You like good, clean, normal God fearing American boy meets girl heterosexual sex.
ROBBY – Damn right!
RICKY – And during this good clean normal God fearing American boy meets girl sex, do you ever like it when a girl sticks her finger up your butt?
ROBBY – Ricky?!
RICKY – Oh that’s never happened to you? 
ROBBY – NO! Maybe… you know… once.  When I was drunk… 
Ricky rolls her eyes.
RICKY – Uh-huh. One finger or two?
ROBBY – Who can remember. 
RICKY – Two. OK, so, was that gay sex?
ROBBY – No!
RICKY – But by your definition, that’s another person’s body part going, you know. That makes it gay sex.
ROBBY – No. First of all, it’s not a man member going up my butt.  It’s a finger.
RICKY – Two fingers.
ROBBY – Whatever. And it’s a GIRL’S fingers.
RICKY – Ah. And that makes a difference.
ROBBY – Yeah. A big one. 
Ricky inspects her own two fingers held together.
RICKY – Pretty thick. And long, two fingers. Kinda like… a penis.
ROBBY – No. Nothing like a penis.
RICKY – Interesting.  So it’s the material the phallus is made of that determines whether it’s gay sex or not.
ROBBY – Right.
RICKY – And the sex of the person administering the phallus.
ROBBY – Correct.
RICKY – Ok.  I think I’m clear now.
Boy Meets Girl is about characters who support and love each other. They honor and celebrate their similarities rather than focusing on and abusing each other for of their differences. Of course that’s not always how the story goes, now or when I was growing up.
It was the 70s. I split time between small town Vermont with my dad and in Manhattan with my mom.  In neither place was there a term for kids punching you all day every day in the hallway because your hair was longer than theirs was, or because you wanted to kiss a person of the same gender, or because you wore a pink David Bowie shirt proudly.  It wasn’t “bullying,” it was “kids being kids.”  There was no geographical discrimination.  It happened in both places. 
When I was 12 years-old I was extorted out of all my possessions under threat of death to my family and myself by other kids. I lived in abject fear for three months until my abusers were exposed.  That may sound funny to you. It wasn’t to me.  I was sure we would be killed if I didn’t comply and keep my mouth shut. This happened for no other reason than because I was “different.”
Kids being kids.
There was no social movement against “bullying.” No PSAs, no national YouTube videos, no parents, teachers or school staff who would do much of anything when it occurred. 
I was always a “different” sort of kid. That was my label. 
LGBTQ and S(traight.) These, and most labels are too limiting. They don’t begin to tell the whole story of the complex people who make up their categorized ranks. They box us in and can create confusion, fear and hatred against ourselves and from others when we behave from our innermost natural desires. Desires that may not be thought of as attributes of our designated group. Not how we are “supposed” to behave.
The ironic and bizarre thing is that all of us “different sort of kids” make up a large number of this society that is employing labels that bind, shame and misrepresent our real and complex fluid realties.  Yet out of fear of being exposed and ostracized by family, friends, employers and the Gods, we who make up possibly even the majority of this society, who have the power to make us all thought of as “normal” in our fluidity and complexity, don’t do it. 
If we all admitted what we really want, how we really feel, without judgment, we would realize we are all the same, save minor cosmetic differences of particular likes and dislikes, chocolate chip cookies or lemon drops, winter or summer. We all want the same thing, to love and be loved.  If we did this, the shame, public and private, and its misdirected hatred would go poof, like the illusion, the scary ghost that holds no ability to harm when the sunlight hits it and illuminates it for what it really is, not real.
The only label that seems necessary, right and loving for us to claim and give one another is “human.” If we left it at that, we would have no choice but to move forward together as one unified and loving group of alphabet letters, because for sure, we all agree, we are that. Humans.

Watch the trailer for “Boy Meets Girl” below. The film is being released by Wolfe Video on DVD today and currently available on VOD.

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