Non-ideal weight, childhood awkwardness, women’s magazines, even well-meaning moms — Amy Schumer decried these sources of female low self-esteem while receiving the Trailblazer Award during Glamour UK’s Women of the Year Awards.
Schumer delivered her signature raunch and “bridge-burning” candor in a somewhat roundabout thank-you speech at the event, which took place earlier this week. The comedienne began by jokily bragging, “I’m probably like 160 pounds right now, and I can catch a dick whenever I want!”
She then shared that she didn’t feel like, well, the most glamorous prepubescent kid: “I didn’t lose my two front teeth until I was in 5th grade, which is late. And that very same week, I got my period. Which is early. So I was just this jack-o-lantern with tits walking around, and I had one of those moms that was like, ‘You don’t need to shave above your knees.’”
Schumer isn’t the biggest fan of women’s magazines, admitting likes making fun of them because “some of them make you feel bad just for being born with a pussy.” But she thanked Glamour UK for letting her be herself: “Every comic in the room knows that when a female comic has a photo shoot, they’re like, ‘Oh, can we hold this plastic dick over your head? We’re gonna shoot actual cum out of it onto your head.’ They’re like, ‘You’re gonna be a cum dumpster,’ and you’re like, ‘Thank you for having me!’ But Glamour is the first magazine that was just like, ‘Smile!'”
“Inside Amy Schumer” will wrap up its third season on June 23. “Trainwreck” opens July 17.