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An Open Letter To The Privileged Gays of the World For 2016

An Open Letter To The Privileged Gays of the World For 2016

So this is the final post on this blog, because our editor Peter Knegt is leaving. You can read his thank yous and goodbyes here, but as an official finale we decided to all team up and try and offer some constructive criticism to the privileged gays of the world going into 2016 and beyond. Maybe none of this applies to you, which is gaymazing. Though even most of us were guilty of a solid half of them, and we too want to go into next year making the world just a little bit better for us all..

1. Mind your Instagram. Sure, all those pics of you with your shirt off in the mirror might get 10x the likes of anything else you post, but they probably also help nourish the body dysmorphia complexes of half your followers. Before you post anything on the ‘gram (or anywhere else for that matter), ask yourself: Who is this post serving? If the only answer is you and your need for attention, don’t press publish.

2. Delete all the dating apps. You don’t need them, they are wasting your and other people’s time, and they are making you and/or others feel shitty and desperate. Re-add them when you travel, though, cause everyone needs a tour guide.

3. Go to a fucking gay bar. They need you to exist, and a lot of the great ones died this year. Imagine a world without gay bars? Things are boring enough as it is.

4. #stopusingstupidfuckinghashtags. Which is almost all hashtags, but especially #gaybrunch.

5. Spend some time with LGBT people that don’t look/act like you. Can we seriously put an end to the insane amount of racism, ageism, transphobia, fatphobia and internalized homophobia in the gay “community”? It’s disgusting. And even if you thankfully already do this — get rid of the assholes in your life who are incapable of it.

6. Fuck outside the box. Because you probably don’t actually have “a type.”

7. Spend some time offline. That means no phone, too. Like for at least an hour or two a day.

8. Read more. Like when you’re having those offline hours (and yes, we mean books and here’s a good start)

9. Support good LGBT artists, films, TV shows, music, plays, books, performances, festivals. But don’t just support them because they are LGBT.

10. Find some self-awareness. The lack of it in the air right now — probably in part because of the internet and social media — is an epidemic. Face yourself, know yourself, and stop making everything about yourself.

That’s all. And thanks for reading!

This Article is related to: Features



Thank you for this! You’ve said what I’ve been thinking for years!

Lehi Valladares

Yes. Let’s fight all the -isms and phobias in our community.


Some of this advice is stupid.

#1 Other people’s body dysmorphia is not anyone with a great body’s problem. Everyone can go to a gym or buy weights for their home and use them. #2 Dating apps are a great way to meet people and #3 If gay bars want gay men to come then they need to make gay bars worth it.


Sooo a privileged gay is only someone with a great body? If someone has the gift of smarts.. they flaunt it and get praised for it all the time. Why shouldn’t that be the case for someone who’s gifted with (and works hard for) a great physique?! Everyone was blessed with different gifts. Stop hating!

And yes to Charlie! If gay bars want us to come then stop reminding us every 5min to tip the bartenders u less you’re gonna stop being stingy with the alcohol!


I think some of these comments need to do #10 first. Just wow.


Isn’t there some kind of irony seeing an ad for the Salvation Army at the end of a gay story.


I’ve really enjoyed /bent …. Too bad it is going out on this sour, snarky, self-important and (ironically, given the intended message) incredibly smug list of admonishments. #disservicetobent #gaybrunch

Jeff Landeen

I think this has far more to do with a hyper connected youth and the gays who are trying to hold on to continued adolescence. Basically it’s don’t act like a newly 20 something twat who’s always on their phone. This is a HUGE problem for society at large and not just the gay community.

Jared Bradford

Fun article, although the gay bars all seem to be so crazily run – weak drinks, inattentive bartenders, so it’s not so fun to visit them.
One more thing – for the love of goddess, QUIT POSTING NON-STOP SELFIES. It’s fun occasionally, but really – every time you have brunch? coffee? gym? go to a movie? NO ONE CARES THAT MUCH.


Hey Charlie – why should straight people care about homophobia? Gay bashing isn’t straight people’s problem…

Why should white people worry about racism? It doesn’t hurt them…

If you think your vanity and the massaging of your ego is important and worth contributing to a very unhealthy societal attitude towards body image, or the mental health of others, then you’re a really terrible human being. This post isn’t saying "don’t publish articles about getting healthy because it will offend people with body dysmorphia" – those articles have a purpose. Posting a heavily filtered photo of your pecs adds nothing to the world whatsoever.


to Charlie and Daniel, you know very well what he writes is not only accurate but defines you. Datings are a great way to meet people (Ha!!, thanks for the that laugh) What you went to a straight bar to come out? If you are concern about the amount of alcohol in your drink, perhaps AA is more needed than you think.


Condescending much?


This is one of the best things I read in a long time. Thanks for giving voice to those concerned about the extreme intolerance and hideous narcissism within the community. THANK YOU.

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