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The Onion Reviews ‘Ghostbusters,’ a Reminder That the Souls of All Sinners Should ‘Suffer Forever’

The unquenchable flames of hellfire are waiting.

In the absence of Jim Anchower, Peter K. Rosenthal is emerging as one of the Onion’s most consistently hilarious fake columnists. This week on Film Standard, the critic (played by actor Ron Rains) reviews “Ghostbusters,” which he calls “a disturbing portrait of a world in which the spirits of the damned roam the earth freely rather than suffering their just and righteous punishment in the eternal fires of hell.”

READ MORE: ‘Ghostbusters’ Review: A Feminist Blockbuster That Could Have Been Better

The rest of his video review evinces a similarly fire-and-brimstones vibe, referring to the ghosts as “spirits of liars, hypocrites, fornicators and usurers who have escaped from an eternity of being flayed and boiled in sulfur for their earthly trespasses.” This Old Testament sensibility informs every aspect of Rosenthal’s take on the comedy, which has been met with more than a year’s worth of pre-release backlash by devotees of the 1984 original.

READ MORE: Why The ‘Ghostbusters’ Backlash Is A Sexist Control Issue

Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon and Leslie Jones star in this new “Ghostbusters,” and Rosenthal takes issue with their characters’ failure to directly and immediately return the souls of the damned to the fiery underworld. Paul Feig’s reboot film hits theaters tomorrow.

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