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H. Jon Benjamin Regales Stephen Colbert With the Story of His Failed Threesome: ‘I Was Just Laying Next to Them’ — Watch

This would never happen to Archer.

H Jon Benjamin Stephen Colbert threesome story

You may not know H. Jon Benjamin by name, but you know his voice. The voice of the title characters on both “Archer” and “Bob’s Burgers” stopped by “The Late Show” last night to promote his autobiography “Failure Is an Option: An Attempted Memoir” and, as proof of the title, regaled host Stephen Colbert with his story of a failed threesome.

This naturally prompted a question from Colbert: “If you’re in a threesome, haven’t you succeeded on a certain level?”

You would think so, but apparently not. Benjamin explains: “The story is I was in college and I was in my dorm room with a girl and another guy from the dorm, and he proposed we have a threesome,” he says. “And then I was like, in my head, ‘I don’t want to do that.’ “I didn’t want to have a threesome in that moment, and he did. Unfortunately, she was like, ‘I’ll go get my diaphragm.'”

Benjamin was “mortified” that this was going to happen, but pressed on anyway. “He made the bold decision to take his clothes off the second she left,” Benjamin says of the other gentleman. “He disrobed immediately. I have my clothes on. I’m like, ‘I don’t want to do this.'”

“I felt the need, the responsibility, to disrobe in that moment as well. I guess I was just like, ‘I’ll go with it.’ They led me over to the bed, then they started to make love. I was just laying next to them.” Colbert loses it at this point in the story, and Benjamin continues: “I decided to not get involved…I think I lightly stroked her. And that’s in the book.” Watch their full conversation below.

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