Currently on tour promoting his new book, "Dirty Daddy: The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian," Bob Saget sat down with author Kelly Oxford on April 17th as a part of Live Talks LA to discuss how the book came together. At its core, Saget says, the book is about how over the years, comedy has helped his family cope with death -- particularly the passing of four of his siblings. Although filthy at times, Saget was forthcoming and humble with his responses throughout the evening -- perhaps because Oxford set up a comfortable atmosphere, shifting seamlessly between interviewing and improv-ing with him.
Here are 12 of the most interesting and funny bits delivered by Saget:
On getting fired from CBS:
"I got fired from a show on CBS because 'I was too hot for morning television.' Mariette Hartley was the host and she said, 'Are you a type A person?' And I said, 'Yes, but I’m working on my A-nus.' I said that, I wasn’t thinking and she said, 'Go to your room, Bob.' They sent me to – it was a 12-minute commercial break. I had to wait behind the set for 12 minutes. The following week I was just on the steps going, 'It’s five minutes after the hour.'"
How Danny Tanner helped Saget get "America's Funniest Home Videos":
"That helped me get that show because they did believe that that was Danny Tanner as he really is – which is a smarmy guy doing bad puns at 7 o'clock on a Sunday night when people got hit in the nuts because there are only so many ways to host a blooper show. So I got to double down on that two-dimensional image of myself. It was stupid to say no to – it was a sensation."
On doing comedy as a kid:
"I think half the people liked me – it's kind of like now – and half the people hated me."
On sitting down with Matt Lauer to talk about the book:
"We sat down and Matt goes, 'Ok this book is about comedy, death and your testicles. Explain.' Run with that."
On his mother reading his book:
"The end of her life kind of was interesting because I was doing this book and I was talking about all the people that – she had lost a lot more than I had, she lived to 89. She lost four kids. A lot of hard times. She was clear and very happy, not in pain at the end of her life. And then she started to read this book. She got 111 pages in…and then she goes, 'I'm sorry Bobby I had to stop reading it.' And she got [to] right before the chapter of things I shouldn’t have done, which is about me drinking and driving and doing things I shouldn’t have done – lighting fires under the bed when my grandmother was asleep in the bed. Things that a lot of people do if something is wrong with them. By her not completing the book, I do think it lengthened her life by about two weeks. If she had read two more chapters we would’ve lost her."
Saget’s mother on the afterlife:
"She said that she would give me a sign. So I said, 'So you’re going to give me a…I don’t want anything creepy mom, don’t weird me out mom.' She said, 'Just if you see' – I don’t know how she thought of it, just amazing improv – 'if you see a dove…because Dove soap, if you see a dove.' And I went, 'So if I see a dove that’s you?' 'It’s a sign,' [she said]."
On whether he has seen the dove yet (a.k.a. his mother):
"I have not seen the dove yet. I need to go to the Magic Castle. I’ll probably see a few there. What if one flew in here right now? I’d kill it. Swat it down and then we’d cook it. We’d get the projector and let the ball just burn it and roast it. And that’s the story of how I ate my mother."
On how long it took to write the book:
"I would say six months of the year and a half were solid writing, probably six months were nothing, if you added up all the time. And then six months, I guess mostly masturbation and eating badly."
Don Rickles on Saget’s HBO special:
"Don Rickles, who is a friend of mine and he’s alive. You should see Don Rickles anywhere if he's going to perform – he's going to perform near here not too long from now. You have to see him he’s so cute. He saw that HBO special that I did right after I did it and he came up to me and he said, 'I saw your special last night Bob. It was very good.' And then he slapped me and he said, "You left out two fucks."
John Stamos is actually the reason Saget knows Don Rickles:
BS: John takes a friendship to old comedy guys. He's very close with Garry Marshall. He's just very, very close with all these guys. We ran into Bob Evans and he's like, 'I can't really get out a lot but I'll take you two guys to lunch.' John's like, I don't know what it is, it's just, he's got some like old showbiz [in him].
KO: It's the hair.
BS: He’s got the hair. He's got that skin. He weighs like a pound.
Why Stamos resented Comet the dog at one point:
"Stamos was pissed because Comet got the movie ‘Air Bud.’ So this is resentful actor talk. 'The dog got a movie. Why are we not in the movies?'"
Bob Saget's two favorite fart jokes:
"This is terrible. This is a dirty, dirty joke. Oh crap. Well there's one, I'll do it real fast. One that, it's just a guy -- his wife brings him in the house, blindfolds him, sits him down and says just sit there I've got a surprise for you. It's not even a joke, it's just terrible. She leaves and he just starts farting because he ate all this stuff. And the reveal at the end of the joke is that she takes off his blindfold and it's surprise party and a hundred people are there. That's the clean one. The other one is really not good. It's bad. I was fourteen when I heard this. Okay. A couple -- they're not married, they're strangers, they're seedy people, they're not good, they've been around, say they met at a truck stop. And she says to him -- this is terrible -- do you want to do 69? And he goes, sure. So they go to the hotel and they're doing it and then...she accidentally farts in his face and he goes, 'That's it. I can't do 68 more of those.'"