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For Your Consideration: If Indiewire's Critics Poll Picked The Oscars

Photo of Peter Knegt By Peter Knegt | Indiewire December 19, 2012 at 1:09PM

Imagine an Oscars where half the best picture nominees were foreign-language films? Where Jack Black is nominated for a darkly comedic Richard Linklater film? Where Denis Lavant isn't only nominated for his balls-to-the-wall performance in Leos Carax's "Holy Motors" but actually wins?
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"Holy Motors."
"Holy Motors."

Imagine an Oscars where half the best picture nominees were foreign-language films? Where Jack Black is nominated for a darkly comedic Richard Linklater film? Where Denis Lavant isn't only nominated for his balls-to-the-wall performance in Leos Carax's "Holy Motors" but actually wins?

That's what it would look like if the Indiewire year-end poll picked the Oscars, clearly a far cry from any sort of reality. For the past few weeks, Indiewire has wholly devoted its awards coverage to the endless parade of Oscar precursors. But in honor of the announcement of yesterday's year-end poll of critics and bloggers here at Indiewire, we figured we'd mix things up a bit.

READ MORE: 'Holy Motors' Tops Indiewire's Poll For the Best of 2012 Film; Other Winners Include Jafar Panahi and Amy Seimetz

In this non-reality, Leos Carax's "Holy Motors" would win best picture (as well as best foreign language film and best actor for Denis Lavant); Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams would win supporting actor and supporting actress trophies for Paul Thomas Anderson's "The Master" (which also would win best original score); "This is Not a Film" would win best documentary feature; and in events all relatively very possible on Oscar night as well, Kathryn Bigelow, Jessica Chastain and Mark Boal would all win trophies for "Zero Dark Thirty," while Tony Kushner would take home a best adapted screenplay Oscar for "Lincoln."

Note that the following list is a fantasy in more ways than one. It entirely ignores most Academy rules, for example. The foreign-language film and documentary feature categories in particular are largely comprised of films that couldn't receive an Oscar nomination based on whether they were submitted or shortlisted.

There's also 10 films listed in the best picture category. While it was surely possible to go through the 202 ballots in this poll and decipher how many nominees qualified based on Oscar's complex system of ranked ballots that allows anywhere from 5 to 10, but full disclosure: That made our brains hurt.

With that in mind, here's what it would look like if the Indiewire poll picked the Oscars:

Zero Dark Thirty Jessica Chastain
Best Picture
Amour
Beasts of the Southern Wild
Holy Motors
Lincoln
The Master
Moonrise Kingdom
Once Upon a Time in Anatolia
This is Not a Film
The Turin Horse
Zero Dark Thirty

Best Director
Paul Thomas Anderson, The Master
Kathryn Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty
Leos Carax, Holy Motors
Miguel Gomes, Tabu
Michael Haneke, Amour

Best Actor
Jack Black, Bernie
Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Denis Lavant, Holy Motors
Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
Jean-Louis Trintignant, Amour

Best Actress
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Nina Hoss, Barbara
Emmanuelle Riva, Amour
Quvenzhane Wallis, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea

Best Supporting Actor
Samuel L. Jackson, Django Unchained
Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln
Phillip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
Matthew McConaughey, Magic Mike
Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, The Master
Ann Dowd, Compliance
Sally Field, Lincoln
Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables
Helen Hunt, The Sessions

Best Original Screenplay
Michael Haneke, Amour
Rian Johnson, Looper
Paul Thomas Anderson, The Master
Wes Anderson & Roman Coppola, Moonrise Kingdom
Mark Boal, Zero Dark Thirty

Best Adapted Screenplay
Chris Terrio, Argo
Richard Linklater, Bernie
David Cronenberg, Cosmopolis
Tony Kushner, Lincoln
Joachim Trier and Eskil Vogt, Oslo, August 31st

Best Foreign Language Film
Amour
Holy Motors
Once Upon a Time in Anatolia
This is Not a Film
The Turin Horse

Best Documentary
The Central Park Five
How To Survive a Plague
The Imposter
Room 237
This is Not a Film

Best Original Score
Dan Romer and Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild
Jonny Greenwood, The Master
Alexandre Desplat, Moonrise Kingdom
Mihály Vig, The Turin Horse
Alexandre Desplat, Zero Dark Thirty

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This article is related to: Academy Awards, Holy Motors






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