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Porn Stars Pick The Oscars: The Adult Film Industry Chimes In On Hollywood's Big Night

By Steve Dollar | Indiewire February 24, 2014 at 12:05PM

Indiewire reveals the verdicts from its informal poll of stars from the "Other Hollywood."
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Tim Von Swine.
Tim Von Swine.

Tim Von Swine

@TVonSwine

Nominated for: Best POV Sex Scene (in "Elastic Assholes 11")

WORST PICTURE: “Pacific Rim”

You confess that you saw none of the nominated movies this year.

No, I was watching the Golden Globes and I realized I did not see "The Wolf of Wall Street." I did not see "American Hustle." I did not see that fucking Tom-Hanks-I’m-on-a-Ship Thing. Why does Tom Hanks always happen to be the last man standing? He’s either marooned, or has fucking AIDS, or is on a boat. He’s always the example of survival. Why is that Tom Hanks? Why he is the barometer for being able to survive?

Because he’s Everyman.

If he had done that ship movie dressed up in drag like in "Bosom Buddies," then that would have been hilarious. But I didn't see that. I didn't see the slave movie. I saw a horrible movie called "Pacific Rim." If you’re 12, I guess it's fantastic. That era's gone for me. Seeing a guy in a giant robot suit is kind of stupid. That's all you get nowadays. There's no more real action heroes like McQueen and Reynolds and Van Cleef. There’s no men  anymore. I don’t feel like any actors can beat my ass unless they’re all 'roided-out.

Let’s switch gears. It was a great year for music documentaries. "20 Feet from Stardom," about back-up singers in famous rock bands, is nominated.

I didn't see that.

There was the two-part Eagles doc.

Even if you like the fucking Eagles, by the time you’re done watching that documentary you don't want to hear them for like six months. They beat some songs to death. But it’s really good to see that guys can be a lot more candid now about what happened with the labels, the agents, the rights, the royalties. They cover like three different phases. It’s nice to learn that Jackson Browne, some coveted American songwriter, wasn't really able to write songs early on. They all had to learn it, woodshed it. It wasn’t just a natural gift. That was cool to see, that they weren't kind of born bitchin'. Great documentary because you get to see some iconic band that used to sell a million records a month get torn

apart by the same greedy issues we all do in the regular world. Everyone’s petty, even if you're brilliant.


Andy San Dimas in "Drive."
Andy San Dimas in "Drive."

Andy San Dimas

@andysandimas

Nominated for: Best Boy/Girl Sex Scene (in “Wolverine: An Axel Braun Parody”)

BEST ACTOR: Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin got snubbed this year. We’ve been having a bit of a debate, we’re kind of silly for not knowing this. We’re not sure if he won an Oscar for "Walk the Line." I heard he did. [He was only nominated].

We can look it up.

I don’t like going to IMDB. I like being IMDB.

Did you see "Her"?

No, I haven’t seen it yet. I just believe in Joaquin.

Why?

He really gets into his parts and he’s really emotional. He strikes me as a real person, too. He’s gone through a lot of hardships in his life and I feel like he puts those emotions into his acting.

He transforms himself.

He does things to his hair to get into a part. I’ve seen "I'm Still Here" like 20 times.

That's 20 more than I have.

You should watch it.

I saw that you had a bit part in "Toad Road."

It's funny. Originally, I had a much bigger part in the movie, but halfway through I broke up with one of the main characters. So they cut my whole storyline out of the movie. Which I understand. I wasn’t hanging out with them so much anymore. That movie was so bizarre. We made it about six years ago. I was approached through MySpace. And Sara Jones, the main girl in the movie, was my roommate. It’s so tragic because she passed away last year. Literally, a month after the movie came out. And now she’s just urban legend. People are huge fans of her all over the Internet. She has two books coming out posthumously.

Isn’t it weird that in the movie she also disappears?

It’s very bizarre. A weird little fact though. There’s this bear that she holds, her own personal teddy bear. She holds it throughout the movie. In my very first porn, I do my interview [for Dana DeArmond’s "Role Modeling"] in Sara’s old bedroom and you can see the teddy bear in the background on the bed.

What did you think of the movie?

It's really surreal. I saw it in a theater. It was a packed theater. Just watching people react to a night of me and my friends hanging out. Most of it was a documentary, just us being little brats in ghetto Baltimore. I still talk to most of those people.

You've had some other mainstream moments. What was your line in "Drive"?

"Oh, he’s in there." I was texting my mom in that scene. I said, "I'm standing next to Ryan Gosling." He's super-nice.


Tommy Pistol

@TommyPistol

Winner: Best Actor (in "Evil Head")

BEST PICTURE: "Gravity"

We didn’t go IMAX but I was definitely still in awe. You know when you see a good movie and everything’s going on and everyone's completely silent? That's how it was. Everything that kept happening to her, it was like "Ahhhhh. When’s it going to stop!" It was a perfect movie, beginning to end I loved it. I say they deserve it.

You're known for working in mainstream horror films as well as X-rated horror parodies. What’s the last movie you directed?

For mainstream work? "The Gruesome Death of Tommy Pistol." 2014 is going to be good for me on that side of the world. I made some good connections and things are moving forward.

Is it a bonus or a negative to have done so much porn in forging a parallel horror-movie career?

I can’t predict how that's going to happen. I feel I have some acting chops. When you can act and it shows naturally, I think it’s a plus, and maybe the other stuff you’ve done, they’ll look past it. I really can’t determine until that happens. I think with James, it was amazing. Who knows if I will get as popular as he did with Rolling Stone and all those other articles he got. I’d love to do it because I love doing it.

This article is related to: Awards Season Roundup, Awards, News, Porn, Sexuality, The Wolf of Wall Street, American Hustle, Pacific Rim, 20 Feet From Stardom, History of the Eagles Part 1, Joaquin Phoenix





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