Stephen Moyer in "True Blood."
John P. Johnson/HBO Stephen Moyer in "True Blood."

Folks, I was at Comic Con this weekend, but I admit I didn't even attempt to go see the "True Blood" panel, so I apologize for failing as a reporter. I did happen by the Warner Brothers booth while there was a cast signing though, so I can definitely confirm that Anna Camp is SUPER pretty. 

Speaking of which, Camp was all over this exceedingly dull episode, as it's revealed that Sarah Newlin's blood is the antidote for Hep V. But first, Eric fights a bunch of Yakuza and surrenders himself when they capture Pam. Because apparently a perfectly-healthy Pam is no match for some goons, while a dying-on-his-feet Eric can take out whole squads of them without much effort.

Long story short, Eric and Pam wind up in an uneasy alliance with the Yakamoto corporation to find Sarah Newlin, but only after an extended debate on who, exactly, gets to kill her. Who had "murder negotiations" on the list of things "True Blood" would do with the precious little time it has left? Congratulations on winning your office pool! 

Sarah gets away again, but not before healing her Hep V-infected vampire sister, so at least one of the primary vampire dudes is going to get healed before the end of the series. My money's still on Eric kicking the bucket, since the show seems so determined to get Sookie and Bill back together. 

This is one of those scenes I wish the show would do more of, showing how vampire culture works in the real world.

Bill's Hep V turns out to be SUPER AGGRESSIVE, as he manifests symptoms all over his body in the course of a single night. He goes to his lawyer's in order to get his affairs in order, only to find that the waiting room is filled to capacity with other infected vampires. This is one of those scenes I wish the show would do more of, showing how vampire culture works in the real world. It's also pretty interesting to see a bunch of immortal beings having to confront their newly-reawakened mortality. The show doesn't do much with it, but it's fun to think about.

Unfortunately, the lawyer tells Bill his will is invalid because of some anti-vampire legislation and only offers to help if Bill can cough up ten million bucks. In an intriguing twist, Bill loses his cool and murders the lawyer and her vampire bodyguard, and it's unclear if his outburst is due to the Hep V or if Bill is just a dickweed.

Poor Sookie figures out that Bill got the Hep V from her, since one of the infected vampires exploded all over her a few episodes ago. In a rare turn for a "True Blood" character, Jessica reacts to the news that Sookie gave Bill Hep V with compassion and understanding rather than yelling and running away at super-speed. 

TARA GHOSTWATCH 2014: She leads Lafayette and Lettie Mae on a merry hallucinogenic chase and digs a bunch of holes in the ground. What this is leading to is still unclear, but the Reverend finally breaks up with Lettie Mae. At least he can lead a drama-free life now. Good for him! In other news, I have no interest whatsoever in this storyline.

VAMPIRE KEITH WATCH: Completely absent from this episode! Boooo!

There were several other plot threads this episode, each more boring than the last! Adilyn and Wade take the news of their parents' impending nuptials in the worst way possible and start having sex. Andy and Holly have a lengthy, sitcom-level argument about it. Jason decides to break up with Violet. Violet takes Jason cheating on her about as well as you expect her to, and makes plans to eat Adilyn. I didn't sleep through all these scenes, I was just resting my eyes! 

Nicole tells Sam that she's moving out of Bon Temps, and she'd like him to come with her. Sam tells her that Bon Temps is the only place he's ever felt safe, and Nicole correctly tells him that is an insane thing to think. Honestly, who would WANT to live in the monster murder capital of the United States? Everyone listen to Nicole from now on!


Jeff Stone loves cartoons, wrestling and hour-long prestige cable dramas. You can follow him on Twitter @WheelbearGo.