In fact, the cliffhanger was "Another conversation is going to happen! Oh, and maybe the Yakuza will show up." I can't remember another show that had fewer dramatic stakes going into its finale.
So, as predicted last week, Hoyt and Jessica do indeed get back together, although first she confesses the whole "I wiped your memory at your behest" deal. And that's a good thing, too, since that would be too weird a thing to just leave hanging. So with just a few bits of dialogue, they're right back to sexytimes.
Jessica does find time first to pop by Bellefleur's to officially apologize and break up with James, although James and Lafayette already seem to be an official couple. I guess we don't want any of the characters mad at each other as the show ends! That might be a downer and we can't have that. Speaking of happy couples, Arlene is officially together with VAMPIRE KEITH. Honestly, all the scenes at Bellefleur's feel like one last check-in with all the side characters. I'd be surprised if they get any dialogue next week.
Oh yeah, and Sam left town forever, off-camera! Because "True Blood"! I hope Sam Trammel left to go shoot a new "Anonymous Rex" movie! I would forgive so much of this show if that happened.
Bill confesses to Eric that he's ready to meet the true death, so that Sookie can be free of him forever. Eric: "Get over yourself, Bill." FAIR ENOUGH. Thanks, Eric! I have no time for Bill's whining and will be legit bummed if he winds up with Sookie, but all signs point to that happening. Prove me wrong, show! You've still got an hour left! Bill's decision is pretty weaksauce, but I'm guessing he and Sookie will talk about it EVEN MORE in the next episode, so I don't have much to add for now.
Eric winds up flying Sookie around a little bit, and their easy chemistry is once again apparent. C'mon, Sookie, give Eric one more shot! He's not mean, he's a thousand years old, and he's just lost track of his moral code! Eric gets so worked up by being in close proximity to Sookie that he finally decides to have sex with poor, neglected Ginger. Ginger straddles him, climaxes immediately and thanks him for the privilege. That was all pretty hilarious, actually.
The episode does actually have some nice scenes between Jason and Brigette: Through a series of wacky and unbelievable circumstances, she winds up staying at his place, and Jason warns her that they won't be having sex. Brigette tries to relate to Jason personally rather than sexually, and they wind up chastely lying in bed together, telling secrets. Jason's always been a character that could really go wrong in the hands of another actor, but fortunately Ryan Kwanten personifies "loveable doofus" more than any other performer I could name. I've always been on Team Jason, so it's nice to see his character reach for a little something more, no matter how contrived the circumstances.
In a blistering subplot, Pam dyes Sarah Newlin's hair back to blonde. Yeah, you read that right, that's seriously a subplot. I can only assume Anna Camp had to be blonde for another role, because otherwise WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Second-to-last episode, everybody. Second. To. Last.
Eventually, though, Pam once again gets trussed up in silver by the Yakuza. She gets taken out by those guys so often and so easily, my only recourse is to assume she's secretly in league with them. Anyway, the Yakuza threaten to stake Pam unless Eric admits that Sookie knows about Sarah, and he confesses that she does. So it looks like it's the Yakuza vs. Sookie in the finale, but not before Bill and Sookie have a really lengthy conversation about feelings, because feelings are basically the only thing the show's got left.