From the "People" Archives:

by Aaron Krach

Tim Kirkman "always dreamed 'Dear Jesse' would get theatrical release," but he assumed it would "probably end up on television somewhere." After a year of touring festivals, and public television rejecting him, Cowboy Booking ("The Beyond") chose Kirkman's film to be the company's first documentary release. "Dear Jesse" isn't an obvious choice for theatrical distribution. It is a small, personal film that borders on the autobiographical. Kirkman traveled to South Carolina on the eve of arch-conservative, Jesse Helm's reelection campaign. He recorded his encounters with North Carolinians of every stripe and wove them together into a portrait of his home state. What could have been a standard travelogue becomes ultimately more meaningful thanks to Kirkman's honesty about growing up gay in North Carolina, under the evil eye of Mr. Helms. On Friday, "Dear Jesse" opens in New York City. indieWIRE sat down with Kirkman to talk about life before and after "Dear Jesse."

indieWIRE: I remember seeing an invitation to a fundraiser you had a couple years ago. Did you raise a lot of money through fundraisers?

Tim Kirkman: We had a couple of fundraisers. But we raised most of the money independently. Through friends, friends of friends. We didn't have enough money before I left. We didn't have any money and I left. The next day, the production manager quit her job in New York, knowing I didn't have any money to pay her, saying "it's going to happen." The next day we moved down and lived with her parents. The next day we got a huge check, our seed money. Our fiscal agent was the North Carolina Film Foundation. We are still raising money. I could use $10,000 right now. I owe people who worked on it. But I don't owe the lab anymore, which I can't believe. I feel very fortunate. We made this film for under $100,000.

iW: How did you keep the budget so low?

Kirkman: We shot the whole thing on 16mm. And a lot of Super 8 film blown up to 16mm. The crew was usually less than four, sometimes two or three. I felt surrounded by people who were way overqualified to make this movie with me.

iW: "Dear Jesse" is an untraditional documentary, much more personal and autobiographical. Was that your goal from the beginning?

Kirkman: Originally the film was a study of North Carolinians and why they oppose or support Helms. But we realized in the editing and even in the shooting if it's not personal, it's not going to mean anything. I think the way we understand things is through stories. The story I'm qualified to tell is mine, and that's the only one. I'm not a political scientist or an historian. I'm a gay man who has lived under the shadow of a homophobic senator for most of my life. That's what I'm qualified to talk about and that's why it's a personal film. There's a precedent for that, largely established by a North Carolina filmmaker, Ross McElwee, ("Sherman's March"). We lovingly and respectfully call this film a "gay 'Sherman's March.'" It is a going home, road movie about reclaiming your home and identity. I really love Michael Moore's work, but his personality is very different than mine. I could've gone out and tried to harass Jesse Helms, and that could have been an interesting film. But I'm just the wrong person for that.

iW: Jesse Helm's spirit is present throughout "Dear Jesse" although he is almost never on screen. Did you ever plan to actually interview him?

Kirkman: Early on we contacted his office because he was running for reelection. We thought, 'Oh this is perfect he'll want to talk." No. He doesn't talk to the media. He controls the media. So early on we realized this wasn't going to happen. And the more I thought about it, the film isn't about Helms. He's a symbol or a device for talking about these issues, which leads to a larger question. Is Helms largely an invention of or for gay people? He is very real given his politics, but he propels the gay rights movement forward. Without him it wouldn't be.

iW: "Dear Jesse" kind of escaped the gay film festival trap, playing in a wide variety of gay and straight festivals. Were you surprised by that reaction?

Kirkman: With "Dear Jesse", I'm finding people will find their story in my story. I think people will say that about a lot of documentaries. I've had countless boys who've grown up in the South say, "that's my story." I always knew my story wasn't special. In London, we had a screening at The London Gay/Lesbian film festival. It went really well. I was worried that the Brits wouldn't know who Jesse Helmes was. They all knew who he was. It was packed. So I was riding this wonderful wave, and I did this Q&A that was going really well. Then we opened up to the audience and this guy in the back. . . it was horrible. He started slowly asking me a question, but he was really commenting on the film. Then he started getting facts wrong like, "I know your parents disowned you." And I thought, 'ok, I've got to correct him when I get a chance to talk.' Then he said, "and you moved to New York, because gay people move to urban areas because presumably they are more tolerant, but it's really because the sex is so much freer. So what are you going to do when you get AIDS?" The audience started screaming at him. No one realized what was happening, it was so creepy and slow. It turned into this uproar and I was escorted from the building. He was harassing me, but it was kind of fun.

iW: You're very honest in the film about your relationship with your parents. When did they see the film?

Kirkman: They are so brave. They screened the film for the first time with an audience in North Carolina. They knew what to expect, cause they had seen a rough cut. But they didn't know a lot of the confessional stuff and about my feelings towards them growing up. They saw it with an audience of people who were involved in the film. It was really a wonderful lovefest, thus a great affirmation for them. That was a moment when our relationship went to new levels.

iW: You didn't go to film school and you still have your day job? Do you feel like a "documentary filmmaker?"

Kirkman: That's a question I'm grappling with right now. How do I identify myself. Usually I'll say I'm a filmmaker, but I'm really interested doing anything that communicates ideas about Gay activism. If it's a book, or a performance or a film, or whatever it happens to be. I'm less motivated by film the medium than the subject of gay rights, civil rights.