By Christopher Campbell | Spout November 18, 2010 at 2:13AM
Any good coming of age film must deal with the topics of puberty and sex, and the "Harry Potter" franchise is no different. But since it's a family entertainment and began pretty much with a couple of kids' movies (they've since become more grown-up along with the cast and fans), the series couldn't be too explicit in its address of sexual themes. In a time as Puritanical as the 2000s it couldn't even be as overly implicit as a movie like the 25-year-old "The Goonies" (as far as I can recall, no characters, live or dead, have penis-like names in "Potter"). So it's a bit of a shock to see what looks like a mostly nude sex scene between Harry and Hermione in the latest installment, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," Part 1. It's not the real Harry and Hermione, and it's cartoony sort of CG depiction, but it is anything but chaste compared with what we've seen in the rest of the movies.
That is, unless you've paid enough attention and focused on lines, shots and scenes out of their context, the way today's video does. I'm pretty sure it adds a lot of sound effects, too. All in order to make the "Harry Potter" movies look like a cross between "L.I.E." and "Porky's," with tons of homo-erotic and auto-erotic subtext. And even more non-text, as in stuff that's not really there at all, most of it forced through crafty editing. Somehow it totally misses most of the first movie's actual puberty and masturbation-related subtext involving wands being explored under the covers after lights out and wands "backfiring" all over their inexperienced user and, well, anything pertaining to wands.
Watch the "x-rated" (there's at least some NSFW audio, I believe) montage after the jump.
Apparently the Nerve list of "Seven Movie Teachers Who'd Probably Sext Their Students" missed a few instructors at Hogwarts.