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Frozen Assets

Frozen Assets

So I stumbled upon a film on cable that I had completely forgotten about. It’s Frozen Assets, a horribly horrible “comedy” from 1992 starring Shelley Long and Corbin Bernsen. Even for a post-Cheers and post-L.A. Law comedy with the two of them (and there was more than one, if you recall) this is BAD. I remember first seeing it (yes, on cable) shortly after it was released. I was probably sick in bed and the remote was out of my reach. Well, why bring it up? Because I was so curious about it this time around, I did some research on IMDB and came across Roger Ebert’s review of the film… and it’s jaw-droppingly negative. How negative? Here’s an excerpt:

“I didn’t feel like a viewer during ‘Frozen Assets.’ I felt like an eyewitness at a disaster. If I were more of a hero, I would spend the next couple of weeks breaking into theaters where this movie is being shown, and leading the audience to safety. And if I’d been an actor in the film, I would wonder why all of the characters in ‘Frozen Assets’ seem dumber than the average roadkill.”

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