Sorry, but we couldn’t let this one go.
No, we haven’t seen the film. No, we won’t see the film. Yes, we want to put this poster of a Glick-i-fied Jared Leto on our kitchen wall and stare at it while we eat Ring Dings, Lucky Charms, cigarette butts, small animals, and our own legs. The somewhat well publicized trick of the film is that this ain’t no fat suit, folks: in a bid for cred or Oscar, or perhaps just as a token of his “craft,” Leto gained what appears from this poster to be four-hundred pounds in order to play John Lennon killer Mark David Chapman. The transformation might not be as head-turningly hideous as once-pretty Leto’s recent forays into a kewpie goth rocker for his band 40 Shades of Blue, er, I mean 20 Feet to Donut Shop, er…I don’t remember what it’s called, but when blown up to billboard size, this is a whole new world of gross. I already learned my lesson watching Charlize Theron’s grunt and snort Oscar-winning latex work in Monster (a pretty good approximation of Dan Aykroyd’s weenie-eating leper judge in Nothing But Trouble), so I’ll definitely be sitting this one out. Leto’s constant mission to de-beautify himself has thus far extended from his face-pummeling in Fight Club to his collapsed veins in Requiem for a Dream to his bounding up and down the rows of a plane I took to California last year in ill-fitting chapeau and pitch-black eye-liner (way to make yourself inconspicuous…in coach, no less!)—Chapter 27 seems to be his most desperate bid yet. Of course if this doesn’t work out, Leto can always have a future as a villain in the next installment of Spawn.