With the quick explosion of Facebook into the majority of Western culture’s communication rituals, the idea of “Facebook etiquette” is a make-up-your-own rules sorta deal. Personally, I usually don’t add people I don’t know. But yesterday morning I broke that rule when someone named “Kevin Benson” added me. It was early in the morning (I use internet browsing as a transitional tool in the mornings to go from half asleep to wide awake, kinda like I used to use the Today show when I had a TV), so I wasn’t paying much attention. I saw we had a few friends in common, mostly from indieWIRE circles, so I figured my memory wasn’t serving me correctly, and I clicked ok.
Anyway, so that evening I log in to the FB and see a message from ol’ Kevin:
Between You and Kevin Benson
12:26pm Mar 27th
thanks for friendship.
Just wanted to fill you in on me (in case people ask…as I’m kind of coming from nowhere). If this seems brief, it’s because I don’t want to waste your time. So, full Lilly scholarship out of hs ($80,000) to Wabash College–all male–join fraternity, freshman of the year (in english, journalism, theatre, history AND all-around). Other fraternities use having a gay bro against my frat, I stick up for myself, the college expels me.
In doing so, they also convince my parents that I’m nuts, which leads to
….hmmmmm…..restaurant (4 years)….beat up–fractured orbital…..torn acl (both of those w/ no medical insurance)….factory (3rd sft) (3 years) while in school….finally my B.A.on May 2!
So, it’s taken me a decade since hs just to get my BA! Yet, I really am one of the brightest students that my profs/teachers have come across (not trying to be cocky there – I’ve actually been told so on more than one occassion).
Now that I’ve got all of these great people in 1 place, not sure what to do….plus, I have homework. I could have written 2 maybe even three fantastic scripts if I had time…but one must eat, right?
Further, I am a student of indie cinema….so I know how mavericks behave and I AM ONE. Graduate in May–w/ a 4.0 nonetheless–from BGSU, w/ no post-grad plans….where should I begin?
(sorry if long-winded).
Mostly annoyed but slightly confused, it boggled my mind that someone would send this to a stranger (or anyone other than their mother). After deciding that this warrants de-friendship, I checked out his profile, only to find his friends went from under 100 to over 700 in one day, and that we now had dozens of friends in common. I inquired around iW circles.. He had sent that same message to everyone he added, and one friend noted that him and Kev had 110 friends in common over a 24 hour period.
Conspiracy theories began: Was Kevin conducting a social experiment? Was he a journalist who was about to mock the independent film press and industry’s admiration for a social networking site initially meant for college students and tweenage girls? Personally, I was holding on to my first thought: This guy is nuts.
His profile is filled with references to Second Life, which gave his takeover of my own “facebook network” a eerie feel personally (not to knock Second Life, I know its a treasured source of pleasure for many.. I just would rather stay far, far away). And most of his wall is messages to himself or society as a whole, or this one, to his dear mother:
Kevin Benson wrote
You’ve broken my heart once again! way to go bitchface!
Got a job off to NY.
Hope to see ya again (maybe) only if you’re not an ignorant CUNT and can treat your son like a gentlemen.
You had better not lay a finger (better yet, don’t even look at) my belongings — but if you do, they will be replaced and you will be handled properly–like damaged goods (which YOU are) like you handled me.
OH! I broke the bathroom drawer (sorry) but you should see what I want to do to YOUR FACE!
NOT YOUR SON (never wiill be again) you’re an aging ugly ghost! ROT. K
If youre going to use your facebook profile as a networking tool, adding a decent percentage of the US’ indiefilm circle in a 24 hour period, perhaps calling your mom a cunt and threatening to do something to her face for everyone to see isn’t the most effective idea? Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m going about this all wrong.
His frequent “status updating” also appears to tell some wacky narrative of being involved in a hit and run accident last night, and that he is en route to New York to take the world by storm.
So, whoever he is, watch out: Kevin Benson is a MAVERICK (with a 4.0 nonetheless!) and he’s about to take over the world.