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Woo hoo! Scanning the week’s box office results, I realized I ‘ve officially seen one—yes one—movie out of the top ten currently playing at multi-craps all around the country. I won’t say which. All our devoted readers need to know is that we really have our (big, orange) finger on the pulse of the moviegoing public.

1- Prom Night, not starring Jamie Lee Curtis, not screened for critics, not watched by me
2- Street Kings, from the director of Harsh Times
3- 21: watching people play cards isn’t fun (remember Celebrity Poker Showdown?); plus you have to look at Kevin Spacey
4- Nim’s Island, not co-starring Jodie Foster’s “beautiful Sydney”; instead we get Little Miss Sunshine and the asshole from 300
5- Leatherheads: Note to George: fast-talking, self-consciously witty, Howard Hawks-esque banter now seems ossified, not spontaneous; America doesn’t want it. Stop…trying…to…make….it.
6- Horton Hears a Who!: I’m supposed to want to see it because it’s not as bad as Cat in the Hat?
7- Smart People: too soon, Ellen Page, too soon!! Come back in 16-18 months, and preferably not in a movie with a title that reminds me of how the makers of your last movie (wrongly) thought of themselves
8- The Ruins: Little Shop of Horrors….much….much…..much…..much better.
9- Superhero Movie: really? they made this? Wasn’t Meet the Spartans, like, three weeks ago?
10- Drillbit Taylor: From the DUDES that brought you all those DUDE movies about DUDES acting like cool but self-protectively dorky DUDES and pretending to be all DUDERIFIC with their straight male DUDE friends and open and comfortable about their DUDE sexuality but who never ever have gay friends, comes another movie about sad, wan Owen Wilson. Awesome.

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