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Memo To Michael Patrick King

Memo To Michael Patrick King

Even though there has been “it’s happening!” stories running every other week since the summer, apparently the Sex and the City sequel is 100% happening (as opposed to 98%). And I don’t blame them. When you make $400 million off an extended episode of a cable television series, you want to make more.

Details are pretty scarce. Mostly because Michael Patrick King hasn’t written script yet. But since one piece of info they did release is a Summer 2010 release date, Mr. King best be getting writing. What exactly he writes is a total mystery. The first time around, he simply repeated out plotlines – breaking up two couples that had broken up seventeen times in the series and spending the film reuniting them. What kind of unoriginality can he muster up this time? I mean, really, he could just break them all up again and the film will probably still make $400 million. But for all of us Sex and the City fans that were hoping for something more along the lines of the series’ creative peak (seasons 3-5, for me at least), hopefully Mr. King isn’t so lazy.

My suggestions to him in this regard:

1. Don’t write it, or at least don’t write it alone. Sex and the City the series was written by a great team of writers, and that collective creativity was what I assume brought it some of the charm that was lost in the film. Hire Cindy Chupack or Julie Rottenberg or Elisa Zuritsky or Jenny Bicks. Or all of them.

2. Please don’t kill anyone, or give anyone a terrible disease. The series did a great job at blending comedy and drama, but when the drama hit dramatic extremes (aka Samantha’s cancer), the comedy felt awkward and the drama over-the-top.

3. Actually make it about sex. Sure, in the first one you had Miranda bitching about not having any, and Samantha fantasizing about the neighbour, but it definitely took a back seat to breakup/makeup drama. These gals are in their mid 40s and mid 50s, and you have an audience that’s already coming no matter what you do. This is an opportunity to take some risks. Explore female sexuality at an age rarely explored this far in the mainstream… and explore it thoroughly. It’d be nice to have them all single again, or at least more than just Samantha. But if you decide to do this, please ensure the breakups have already occurred offscreen well before the story begins.

4. Give Charlotte a plot. Being worried about things being “too perfect” and pooping her pants is not a plot.

5. Don’t get so flashy with the fashion. I know fashion is a big part of SATC, but it doesn’t need to be so obvious. Shoe montages, throw-out-your-old-clothes fashion shows, actual fashion shows, constant fucking shrieking at the sight of any exorbitant article. Keep it down, it gives a unbearable shallowness to what was once just mildly shallow fun. Just make sure there’s a wide variety of fun clothes and shoes on the women and that’s all that’s really needed. Fashion can be a character on the shoe without it having lines.

6. Give secondary characters some half-decent screen time. And don’t write any new ones, you already enough to choose from. Jennifer Hudson, bless her, was a completely pointless addition to the film. She was basically there to provide the show with a black character, but having said character run Carrie’s errands and beg for shoes and Louis Vutton bags, it came across as a wee bit Driving Miss Carrie. And somehow JHud gets more screen time than Stanford, Anthony, Magda and whatever the hell Candice Bergen’s character’s name is combined. The gays and the old ladies deserve some script too, Mr. King. Be careful because before you know it, you’re going to be a combination of the two and this will come back to haunt you.

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