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The Brothers Jonas In The Third Dimension

The Brothers Jonas In The Third Dimension

My intention post-Oscar was to return to, as I put it, less shallow and gay topics on this blog. But instead, I’ve outdone myself: Last night, I went to the world premiere of the Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert Experience, or whatever its title was. I’ll refrain from any criticism of the film itself (due to an embargo, and well, lack of much to say: its a concert filmed), but I will speak to the experience a bit.

I’ll admit I knew little about the brothers Jonas prior to yesterday. I knew that one song where they say “S.O.S.” a lot. I knew they had purity rings. And I knew basically who each of them were. There was “hot one with diabetes,” “gay one with straight hair,” and “ugly old one.”

But now I know names to place with those characterizations: Nick, Joe and Kevin. And I’m glad for it. I don’t like being ignorant toward cultural phenomenons, even ones that don’t interest me.

And I’ll stop ever calling Kevin “ugly old one,” even if its true. I felt really sorry for him in the theatre, when intense, freakish cheers from the audience met his brother’s on screen debuts, but he found only a whimper. And watching him in the film, desperately seek attention from audience members who he must know prefer his better dressed, more personable and attractive brothers, was really heartbreaking. Poor Kevin.

But more sympathy went out the young girls of America as I walked down the purple carpet and into the screening:

Screaming, crying, hyperventilating tweens… the image of them (and sound of them in the theatre), was a lot to take in. And I guess its not like teenage obsession over a musically uninteresting and totally manufactured entity is anything new (New Kids, NSync, Backstreet, etc), it’s just a shame these girls are devoting such a profound amount of emotion and energy to this. It didn’t quite look like they were having fun. It looked like they were having nervous breakdowns.

I don’t blame the Jonas’s though. From what I saw outside the screening and on the screen, they seem to work hard for that adoration and give it their all on stage. I genuinely hope they all make it to adulthood trainwreck-free.

I just wish their music was better. I can TOTALLY appreciate garbage pop. It might be manufactured, commercially constructed, etc… but it doesnt mean it can’t be appreciated within that context. But the Jonas’ songs just don’t do it for me. Watching an audience of tweens singing every fucking lyric to these boring, uninspired songs made me yearn for the days of “Mmm Bop,” “Baby.. One More Time” and “I Want It That Way” (a;; of which came out around the time I was their age).

I blame Disney. At least Lou Pearlman, (literal) fraud that he was, brought some game to the shame.

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