by Christopher Campbell
The most popular lists on SpoutBlog have involved sex scenes or Halloween costumes. So, to give the people what they want we’ve decided to combine both topics for our final list ever. It makes sense anyway, seeing as how Halloween is this weekend and seeing as how the holiday has pretty much turned into a sex-based festivity — for adults, at least.
Surprisingly, with all the cosplay fans and other fetishists out there, sex scenes involving costumes aren’t too common. We’ve tried to exclude anything considered a uniform or transvestism, as neither of these is about masquerading. There are two job-related costumes, however, but both have been deemed qualified. And the single example of cross-dressing is more about disguise than transgenderism.
Feel free to add to the list if you think of any that we left out.
Louis Fools Betty With a Darth Vader Mask, in Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
In a highly questionable scene, one of the titular nerds (Robert Carradine) borrows a Darth Vader mask from the head Alpha Beta (Ted McGinley) during a costumed event in order to fool the guy’s girlfriend (Julia Montgomery) into having sex with him. Does it count as rape if she enjoyed the sex? That’s apparently debatable, but imagine how things would have been different if Louis had not been better than Stan in the sack (or “moon bounce,” as it were). The whole idea is far creepier than it is funny or romantic or whatever it’s meant to be.
Scott Howard is Seduced by a Costar, in Teen Wolf (1985)
No, we didn’t confuse wolfing out with wearing a costume. If Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox) merely got it on as The Wolf, he wouldn’t be on this list. But if you recall, he wasn’t transformed when his dream girl Pamela (Lorie Griffin) seduces him in the dressing room following their play rehearsal. However, he is wearing his costume from the play, a Civil War uniform. Offscreen it is implied that he wolfs out in the act, but that’s neither here nor there.
Mikey Dry Humps Nixon, in The Ice Storm (1997)
Remember in Dazed and Confused when Adam Goldberg tells of a dream in which he’s getting it on with a perfect female body with the head of Abe Lincoln? He had it better than little Mikey Carver (Elijah Wood) whose first sexual experience is with a cute neighbor (Christina Ricci) wearing a Nixon mask. Sure, it was real and not a dream, but it was merely a bit of dry humping, and really, having to go through life associating Tricky Dick’s face with sex is far more unfortunate than being confused by a fleeting image from your subconscious, no matter how disturbing. (watch the scene here)
William Shakespeare Unwraps Viola, in Shakespeare in Love (1998)
Considered to be one of the sexiest love scenes ever, the first time William Shakespeare (Joseph Fiennes) beds Viola (Gwyneth Paltrow) is following his discovery that she’s been disguising herself as a boy in order to act in one of his plays. “I do not know how to undress a man,” the young Bard says before removing her masculine attire, including a bandage wrapped tightly around her chest, which he must unravel and unravel and unravel to reveal her bosom.
Masked Orgy, in Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Don’t try to argue that mere masks don’t count as costumes. If they adequately disguise an otherwise naked person, it qualifies. Anyway, many of the characters in this infamous orgy scene are additionally wearing capes or cloaks. Though it needs no description, the scene follows Bill Harford (Tom Cruise) as he infiltrates a top secret, high-class sex party. As he’s led through a mansion, we join him in witnessing multiple sex acts involving multiple partners. And depending on whether you only saw the film in a U.S. theater, most of these acts were obscured through censoring figures.
Tiffany and Curtis Get the KISS of Death, in Idle Hands (1999)
On their way to a Halloween dance, high school students Tiffany (Kelly Monaco) and Curtis (Steve Van Wormer), dressed up as KISS members “The Starchild”/Paul Stanley and “The Demon”/Gene Simmons, respectively, make out heavily in the car. Before they can go all the way, though, a zombified, disembodied hand crashes their party and kills them.
Fat Guy Has a Threesome, in Rules of Attraction (2002)
In one of many amusing bits of background action in this film, Sean Bateman (James Van Der Beek) and Lara (Jessica Biel) are chatting in the kitchen during the “Dress to Get Screwed Party” while a masked fat guy is making out very heavily with two girls who are both naked and clearly out of his league. It’s a simple gag, but like a combination of the Revenge of the Nerds and Eyes Wide Shut scenes it gives otherwise unattractive guys hope that they can get laid if they just frequent costumed events.
Willie Does Anal in the Dressing Room, in Bad Santa (2003)
Santa outfits are usually only considered sexy on women, but apparently it works for some male Santas, as long as they’re as “bad” as Willie (Billy Bob Thornton), a burglar who infiltrates department stores by getting a job portraying ol’ Saint Nick at Christmastime. In this scene, Willie is discovered, red velvet pants around his ankles, having anal sex with a presumably large woman in a dressing room in the big and tall section of the store. How do we know it’s anal, even though the act is concealed behind the dressing room door? The wonderfully nasty line, “You ain’t gonna shit right for a week!”
Tom and Edie Role Play, in A History of Violence (2005)
In the most realistic scene of this list, husband and wife Tom and Edie Stall (Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello) spice up their love life by role-playing when Edie puts on her high school cheerleader uniform and initiates what turns into the most graphic ‘69’ performed in a non-pornographic film.
Nite Owl II and Silk Spectre II Have Superhero Sex, in Watchmen (2009)
In an earlier scene, Dan Dreiberg (Patrick Wilson) and Laurie Jupiter (Malin Ackerman) attempt to have sex, but it doesn’t work out. Probably because they’re in boring old civilian clothes. Once they get into their superhero costumes, however, and become Nite Owl II and Silk Spectre II, Dreiberg, who went impotent the first time, is much more turned on. And they have an over-the-top first time set to Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.” Apparently once you do it in a superhero costume you can’t go back, judging by claims that both Hugh Jackman and Halle Berry like to have sex with their X-Men costumes on, and Will Smith likes to do it as Hancock.