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The 5 Painful Stages Of Colin Farrell Being Offered The ‘Total Recall’ Remake

The 5 Painful Stages Of Colin Farrell Being Offered The 'Total Recall' Remake

1. MILD IRRITATION At Hollywood’s Uncreativity. Having to initially write/regurgitate story that says Neal H. Moritz is remaking the Arnold Schwarzenegger ’80s film. Rehashing bad quote from absurd, yet semi-ludicrous/entertaining original film that probably made original author Philip K. Dick roll over in his grave. Even worse, Len Wiseman, who created the awful “Underworldfilms, but still somehow managed to marry Kate Beckinsale, is directing.

2. ANNOYANCE. Suffering through a non-news story wish-list item that says studios would like to have more mega-successful films; oh, and Colin Farrell as lead in “Total Recall” project. Incidentally, we would like large pectoral muscles.

3. RESENT. Wasting time and energy saying with a straight face, “Hey, remember when Columbia said they wanted Colin Farrell for the ‘Total Recall’ remake? Now they officially made him the offer!” and then pretending you’re not contributing to the downfall of mankind.

4. DREAD. Dreading “Colin Farrell accepts Total Recall film offer’ follow-up story you’ll probably have to write. Further dreading possibility of talented actor realizing this role is beneath him and we have to start this nonsense all over again.

5. ACCEPTANCE. Wondering to self how many exclamation marks Ain’t It Cool will employ in headline. Rethinking offer to write for Marie Claire.

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