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In Honor of 420, Here’s a Review of ‘Avatar’ Some Dude Wrote While He Was Stoned

In Honor of 420, Here's a Review of 'Avatar' Some Dude Wrote While He Was Stoned

If there’s one thing you should know about me, it’s this: I am a huge stoner. HUGE. I love to be stoned on the pot and the, uh, okay fine, I admit it: I’m not a pothead. I’m more a Jughead; I read a lot of comic books and enjoy the occasional beverage poured from a jug. However, today being 420, the day when marijuana enthusiasts all over the world get high (as opposed to the other 364 days of the year, when they remain sober and alert), it seemed like attention should be paid to that pastime enjoyed by so many throughout this great land: getting baked and watching movies.

Finding movie reviews written by stoners is a surprisingly difficult task. If you Google “stoned movie reviews,” for example, you’ll just get a lot of reviews of the 2005 movie “Stoned” with Paddy Considine and the 2010 movie “Stone” with Robert De Niro. If you type in “movie reviews written while high” you’ll just get a lot of IMDb pages about high school movies. It’s frustrating enough to make you want to take up pot smoking.

After a long, grassless fruitless search, I hit the mother lode: a review of James Cameron’s “Avatar” on the weed enthusiast message board GrassCity.com by user “1tokeovrtheline” (JUST ONE?!?). He claims he smoked “a really fat philly blunt and a bowl or two in a pipe” before taking in a screening of Cameron’s 3D sci-fi epic and sitting down to write his thoughts. A few tidbits about Mr., um, theline first: at the time of this writing he was apparently a history major with a minor in Native American Culture, and he wrote this review while he was procrastinating from writing another movie review for a class assignment. I think you’ll agree with me that this thing is way better than anything he could have come up with sober.

Here, now, a few excerpts from his magnum smokeus:

The basic plot of Avatar is that in the future Jake Sully wakes from cryogenic sleep because of the interest his brother had in science. His brother was a big part of research on the planet Pandora, and so his brother’s genes are mixed with Navi genes so that Jake can mind link with the body, and attempt to learn the ways of the Navi in order to convince them to move off the land they’re on because it lays on top of a huge source of unobtainium, which is far more valuable that gold or diamonds or any resource we have today. Jake begins his program with Dr. something or other, never remembered her name, who is trying to work with a team of scientists to understand Pandora and the Navi culture, to find a peaceful alternative to the sergeant’s ruthless genocide plans. Jake is soon spared by one of the Navi, forget her name, and he is grudgingly accepted into the tribe because he is the first mind linked person who also is a warrior, not a scientist, so they teach him their ways to learn more about his…

Long story short the tree is destroyed people are dying, etc, and they must leave now. Jake’s girlfriend still is very angry with him. Jake and the scientists are put in prison for betraying their own, but are broken out by this chick that flies helicopters and has also switched to the side of the Navi. They escape narrowly with the lab stuff, although the doctor is hurt. They rush jake to the mind linking sun tan booth, and he tries to carry the doctors body to be healed by the Navi, who reveal that the mind can be permanently transferred to the avatar body via a tree and their mother earth like goddess. They rise up to fight and gather together all the clans. They have a big fight and the massive animals of Pandora defeat the military with the navi. The earth goddess has restored balance to nature by destroying the greedy imperialists…

I hated though how they showed this culture’s worth was respect of plants and animals although I think it is important they go a little far in my opinion), and actually it seemed to enforce many of the misconceptions of indigenous cultures throughout history. Many people for instance think the native americans are inferior because when we got here they were walking around half naked without structured towns. Well I took a college course on Native American Culture and History, and I can tell you this isn’t true…

For me watching some of the parts about taking over the navi almost made me cry, but when I heard the part where they said they would gather all the clans at a sacred tree, I shed one tear, which is more than I can say for the passion…

There is no uncivilized culture, we are all brothers, one tribe, one race, ONE LOVE.

Damn right, 1tokeovrtheline!  Happy 420 everyone. Make sure you spend a lot of time in your mind linking sun tan booth with Dr. Something Or Other today. And if you write a stoned movie review tonight, make sure to share it with the world.  

Read more of 1tokeovrtheline’s “‘Avatar’ 3D: Stoned Review.”

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