Unless you’ve been under a rock over the last week you have read an article about, heard a talk show about, and seen a panel discussion about Sheryl Sandberg’s new book Lean In. I pre-ordered my copy (which I have never done before) and have been soaking in the conversation. I also watched her on 60 Minutes which you should check out below.
While not everything in the book will apply to everyone (how could it?) and it is clearly about rich women’s first world problems, you gotta give her some props especially for being so up front about wanting to jump start a feminist conversation. When was the last time a woman of her stature framed these issues in a feminist context? She is touching a nerve about many different things, but most especially about how women themselves self-censor and don’t put themselves forward or “lean in” to take on more responsibilities and leadership positions.
This is something all women can relate to whether or not they are not leaning forward because they are futurecasting their lives when they will have kids, or whether they just want to get along better in the workplace and not be seen as too aggressive. It is about how we internalize sexism and how that effects how we act in the world. It might not be overt discrimination at all times that holds us back but a lifetime of processing gender roles and expectations leads people to make decisions based on those roles that have seeped into our brains. Sometimes no matter how strong you are, you still have the battle with yourself.
She makes some really important points. The first thing she says in the 60 Minutes piece is that men run the world and that the women’s revolution is stalled. And that we need to acknowledge it to change it. And then Norah O’Donnell asks if she is trying to reignite the revolution and she says: “I think so.” Bold.
This looks to me to be as much of an exercise for Sandberg in owning her own power as it is for her inspiring other women. She said she feels so guilty about the choices she has made that she has written a whole book on it. But she pushes through and reminds us how young these gender roles start for girls and how that is not ok. My favorite quote from the piece: “I want every little girl who [is told] they’re bossy to be told instead, “You have leadership skills.” I can’t tell you how many times I got called bossy and how it was always made to seem to be something I should be ashamed of.
Sandberg was smart in that she used Hollywood writer Nell Scovell to help frame her messages for the masses. So the question here is does this message resonate for women working in Hollywood? Are women leaning out when they should be leaning in or is it pretty much just external factors holding women back? How do we get more women in leadership positions? How do we get women not to worry about being liked by everyone. (In Sandberg’s first job review from Mark Zuckerberg at Facebook he told her that she worried to much about what other people thought of her and that it was holding her back.)
What I love about this is the great conversations it is stimulating. Not only just from women but from men too. I had a really terrific one in the rain in the park yesterday with a guy who has two kids talking about the expectations placed on men. Would love to hear people’s thoughts on this as they get through the book and have conversations about it.