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Mad Men: Jon Hamm’s Penis-Envy Problem

Mad Men: Jon Hamm's Penis-Envy Problem

Is Jon Hamm getting too big for his britches? And yes, feel free to interpret the hidden meaning of that question in any way you’d like. 

Are people simply jealous of his wide reputation for being a very well endowed man. This is surely the strangest case of penis envy Hollywood has seen in some time.

As “Mad Men,” the wildly popular and critically acclaimed AMC drama debuted its new season on Sunday night, another, even, well, bigger story that has been dogging the show’s star Hamm. It seems Don Draper has a larger problem than moodiness. (Read more about Hamm.) 

As I researched Hamm — an actor whose work I’m not too familiar with — I came across something eye-catching. On Rolling Stone’s recent cover profile of Hamm, I spotted an intriguing sidebar on the magazine’s website.  I read:

“Jon Hamm has a problem most men would love to have: people all over the world are convinced he has an enormous penis. Headlines like ‘Jon Hamm’s Penis Is Too Big for His Clothes’ are popping up and he’s quit sick of the whole thing. 

“Most of it’s tongue-in-cheek,’ he told Rolling Stone. “But it’s a little rude. It just speaks to a broader freedom that people feel like they have — a prurience.”

Listen, if Hamm had truly wanted to sidestep this burning issue, he could have told the interviewer to “get real” or “grow up” or “change the subject, punk.” But apparently, he was quite willing to roll with this topic. Hamm and his handlers knew intuitively that any discussion of it would overshadow whether, say, Hamm subscribes to the principle of Method Acting.  

But Hamm also has a right to protest a certain lack of privacy. People are speculating that Hamm is too manly to fit the tight-pants look of the 1960s, when “Mad Men” takes place. There are social-media posts dealing with his anatomy. 

Most germane of all: What man, famous or not, wouldn’t kill to have this kind of word-of-mouth chatter about his lower regions? Perhaps the man doth protest too much Come to think of it, did Shakespeare, who had an answer for every tragedy ever come up with anything for this particular malady? 

Eventually, critics will star sniping about Hamm’s acting or the show’s inevitable slump or how it isn’t as good as it used to be. THEN, the man will have something to complain about. He should simply shrug off these prattling people. 

For openers, it is a compliment to Hamm that anybody cares about this. Second, it is a testament to the enduring popularity of “Mad Men,” which is virtually synonymous with Hamm’s brilliant, fascinating depiction of Don Draper. Third — same as the first: It’s a compliment.

Right now, Hamm doesn’t have too much to worry about. His career is zooming. “Mad Men” picked up on Sunday night where it left off. The first episode of the new season was as engrossing as ever.

Hamm is a smart guy. He gets it. He seems quite self-aware, judging from what I’ve read about him. He knows what a lucky stiff he is. 

Surely, AMC could have originally gone with a dozen other qualified actors to play Don Draper from the outset. But Hamm was anointed. He was shrewd enough to know this going to be his big break. He took the ball and ran with it. He should laugh this stuff off.

He understands. As he said in the piece: “I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite.” 

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