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Oscar Bitchfest: The Boys of /bent On Who Should and Will Win On Sunday

Oscar Bitchfest: The Boys of /bent On Who Should and Will Win On Sunday

The Oscars are less than 48 hours away, so the boys of /bent decided to offer up both their hopes & dreams for Sunday night, and the inevitable disappointments. Here’s who we think will win on Oscar night, and who should in the main categories, and the gay ones (costume design, original song & makeup and hairstyling, respectively):

Best Picture:

What Will
Matt: “12 Years a Slave.”
Oliver: Best case scenario: “12 Years a Slave” or “Gravity”
Peter: I suspect your best case scenario will work out. I’m saying “12 Years” too but it could easily be “Gravity”
What Should
Matt: I don’t want any of these films to win, so I’m going for a “Her” / “American Hustle” tie, making Megan Ellison the first ever person to win two Best Picture trophies on one night and annoying all those people who write “daddy’s little rich girl” articles about her.
Oliver: Although I can think of more than a handful of films I’d rather see nominated, I’d say “Gravity” fits the bill of “universally moving filmgoing experience” as well as any — but more importantly, Oscar gods: I’m praying to thee that you finally give Emmanuel Lubezki the credit he deserves (or risk devaluing your little golden statue even more).
Peter: I heart “Her” more than anything else nominated here, though whether its “Gravity” or “12 Years a Slave,” things seemed poised to offer the rarity of a best picture winner I actually really liked. 

Best Director:
Who Will
Matt: Alfonso Cuaron – but only because the Academy feel guilty for not rewarding him for the shower scene in “Y Tu Mama Tambien”.
Oliver: Alfonso Cuaron.
Peter: Alfonso Cuaron.
Who Should
Matt: Alfonso Cuaron, because I actually put money on this in October.
Oliver: Alfonso Cuaron!!!!!
Peter: Alfonso Cuaron! But just with one exclamation mark.

Best Actor:

Who Will
Matt: Matthew McConaughey.
Oliver: Matthew McConaughey.
Peter: Ugh, Matthew McConaughey. God, we’re boring. Or I guess, no, the Oscars are boring. And worse for making us seem boring.
Who Should
Matt:  I think there should be a general boycott of this category until Hollywood gets better at creating leading roles for women.
Oliver: Chiwetel Ejiofor hands down.
Peter: Oscar Isaac by some write-in ballot miracle.
Best Actress:
Who Will
Matt: Cate Blanchett.
Oliver: Cate Blanchett.
Peter: Judi Dench! I’m kidding. Cate Blanchett.
Who Should
Matt:   I can’t take this category seriously if it doesn’t include Paulina Garcia or Adele Exarchopoulos. So I’m going to go with Meryl Streep, so that she can tie the Katherine Hepburn record, retire, and pass all her roles to Frances Conroy.
Oliver: Moments after seeing “Blue is the Warmest Color” I was proclaiming, with knowing dread, how deeply unjust it’d be if the almighty Academy ignored Adele Exarchopoulos’ killer performance. Alas, Cate Blanchett’s win would put a huge smile on my face. If not, there’s only so many traumas a person can withstand until they take to the streets and start screaming.
Peter: I’m totally fine with Cate winning, and showing us once again how acceptance speeches are properly done.
Best Supporting Actor:
Who Will
Matt: Jared Leto.
Oliver: Jared Leto.
Peter: I’m going to rescind the prediction I already made on Indiewire and say Barkhad Abdi just because I can’t bring myself to type that name another time this awards season.
Who Should
Matt:  I want to say Barkhad Abdi, but I feel slightly sick at Hollywood for indulging this whole “rags to riches” narrative while not showing any intention of offering him another decent role.
Oliver: Uh… Jonah Hill?
Peter: Jonah Hill! I’m serious.
Best Supporting Actress:
Who Will
Matt:  Lupita N’Yongo.
Oliver: Lupita N’Yongo
Peter: I’m really concerned it’s going to end up going to Jennifer Lawrence, but I’ll stay hopeful with the crowd and say Lupita.
Who Should
Matt:  Laverne Cox, “Dallas Buyers Club.”
Oliver: Lupita but, if they can somehow accompany it with a clip of her smashing a plate and screaming “EAT THE FISH BITCH”, a Julia Roberts win would work for me. Just pretty please, Academy, J.Law already has her statue.
Peter: Sally Hawkins, just so we can see something like this happen again.
Best Original Screenplay:
Who Will
Matt: “Her”
Oliver: “Her”
Peter: You guys are so optimistic! But I fear it’s “American Hustle,” which I didn’t realize had a screenplay.
Who Should
Matt:  I don’t have a horse in this race, so I’d like to prematurely register my vote for “The LEGO Movie” in 2015.
Oliver: “Blue Jasmine.”
Peter: Please, please, please “Her.”
Best Adapted Screenplay:
Who Will
Matt:  “12 Years a Slave”
Oliver: “12 Years a Slave”
Peter: “12 Years a Slave,” but I wouldn’t be surprised if voters go all cookie cutter and “Philomena” spoils.
Who Should
Matt: “Before Midnight”, for the pure novelty factor of seeing a deserving winner.
Oliver: Obvs “Before Midnight”, but as my Grade 10 Math teacher said as she revealed I’d failed the final exam, “life isn’t fair.”
Peter: I second all of the above.
Best Original Song:
Who Will
Matt: “Let It Go” from “Frozen”
Oliver: “Let it Go” from “Frozen”
Peter: “Let it Go” from “Frozen”
Who Should
Matt:  Whatever it takes to stop Bono receiving an Oscar for a Mandela film. That’s too close to satire to be even vaguely funny.
Oliver: Lana Del Rey’s “Young and Beautiful” from “The Great Gatsby,” even though somehow it isn’t nominated. If only because Kanye West, in one of his movie-worthy gestures, had an orchestra play it as he proposed to Kim Kardashian.
Peter: Karen O, Oscar winner, svp.
Best Costume Design:
Who Will
Matt:  “12 Years a Slave”
Oliver: “12 Years a Slave”
Peter: “American Hustle” or “The Great Gatsby,” but probably “Hustle.” And hopefully it’s the only thing it wins.
Who Should
Matt: I can never remember what the costumes were like, and clearly neither can the Academy, which is why they only ever nominate costumes of two types in this category – “period” or “vaguely wacky”. I think we can agree the solution to this is a live catwalk show on Oscar night – that way, we are all winners. 
Oliver: “The Great Gatsby” — maybe it’s because I was a little more than stoned when I saw it in overwhelming UltraAVX 3D. Or maybe because I stood in line for popcorn behind a group of girls dressed in full flapper-wear for the premiere. The Gatsby imitation is tacky, I know, but no other wardrobe department this year inspired more than this one did.
Best Makeup & Hairstyling:
Who Will
Matt:  Probably “Dallas Buyers Club”, because Hollywood loves nothing better than healthy straight men pretending they are anything but.
Oliver: “Dallas Buyers Club”
Peter: “Dallas Buyers Club”
Who Should
Matt: I am so upset that “American Hustle” wasn’t nominated in this category and nowhere else. I feel like everyone else nominated from this film is really riding on the coat tails of the hair stylist. People are only even watching this film because they see that poster and are intrigued to see those hairstyles in motion. And who can blame them?
Oliver: “Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa”, since it was snubbed in the Best Picture category.
Peter: Yeah, I can’t believe that snub either. 

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