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Ranking the House Down: Our Squirrel Friends in the Snatch Game (Drag Race Recap #4)

Ranking the House Down: Our Squirrel Friends in the Snatch Game (Drag Race Recap #4)

Snatch Game is the major event in every
season of Rupaul’s Drag Race that clearly divides the fiercely talented queens
from the basic amateurs. As Jinkx Monsoon once said of the event, “Snatch Game challenges
your improv skills, your wit, and
your impersonation skills. Without these three skills, a
drag queen may as well not call herself a drag queen.” Famous Snatch Game performances from past seasons include:
Pandora Boxx as Carol Channing, Stacy Layne Matthews as Monique, Sharon Needles
as Michelle Visage, Chad Michaels as Cher, Jinkx as Little Edie Beale, and
Alaska Thunderfuck as Lady Bunny. On the opposite end of the spectrum, the
popular event has also brought us flat, half-baked and brainless performances
from the likes of Kenya Michaels, Milan, and Lineysha Sparx. Tonight, Gia Gunn
joined the ranks of the worst performances in Snatch Game herstory.

After four rounds of Snatch Game, a queen should know by now who she plans to
impersonate going into a season of Drag Race. To not have a funny character up
your sleeve by season six is, at best, reckless. Hence when we found out Gia
Gunn was going to play Kim Kardashian, we could already envision how miserable
a performance she would present. It reminds one of when Alyssa Edwards
impersonated Katy Perry, another instance in which the squirrel’s artistic
approach seemed to consist of looking pretty and smiling. To return to one of
the guiding principles of Ranking the House Down, fishy is fine, but not alone
does it make a legendary queen. This is why so many of the best performances on
Snatch Game have been of notoriously trashy, gaudy, and messy celebrities. Most
of the queens in this season’s Snatch Game seemed to understand this (Laganja
and Trinity excepted).

All the above said, we are really going to miss Gia. She will not only be
remembered as a polished and beautiful queen, but also as one of the best
villains of Untucked. It is also worth noting that there may not ever again be
a competitor as hopelessly clueless as this squirrel. Here are some memorable
Gia moments…

Only nine queens left! Let us now rank the house down. For a change, I will
begin by ranking the queens based on how much further I think they will go in
the competition…

The following queens will definitely make it to the annual drag ball (in
alphabetical order): 

These queens are vying for the fourth slot at the annual drag ball (and could
snake into the top three):

These queens are going home in the next three weeks: 

Now, this is the order in which we ought to see the
squirrels go home:

9. Laganja Estranja:
Laganja has been insufferable to watch. She not only is a snore in the main
challenges but she is a train wreck in the Untucked Lounge. Her crying tantrums
started off as funny, but to borrow a phrase from Enid Coleslaw the breakdowns
have become so bad, “they’ve gone past good and back to bad again.” Laganja,
please go home. We are done with you. We haven’t even learned how to spell your
name. Wipe your eyes, “spread your wings,” and get the fuck out. Trout not

8. Milk:
Milk’s Rupaul-themed runway ensemble looked straight up like James St. James.
Let’s be honest, “Workroom Ru” may have been cleverly conceived, but the final
result was sloppy. The general impression we get of Milk, week to week, is that
she is the boring version of queens we have already seen. The bald cap Milk
wore on the main stage was especially disappointing to see after we had already
seen Sharon Needles perfect the craft in the Rupocalypse episode of season
four. We started this season with high hopes for Milk, but at this point it
appears that Milk’s talent and strategy are limited. That Julia Child imitation
was devastating.

7. Trinity K. Bonet:
There still seems to be a wild card edge to Trinity. Her performances range
from high to low, and one wonders if the challenges ahead will lean to her
favour. It is hard to call, but we know after that Chaka Khan lip-sync that
Trinity has the goods. Furthermore, her HIV disclosure in the Untucked Lounge
this week might have empowered her to give 100% in the upcoming rap challenge.
Let us cross our fingers that she tosses her flippers when she spins her

6. Darienne Lake:
Darienne is a similar high-low queen. She was exciting in the Scream Queens challenge, but the last couple weeks Darienne has faded into the background. We hope she steps up her game real soon, because we want more of her Adele realness.  

5. Joslyn Fox: 
Something about Joslyn gives the impression that she has been more strategic than we had imagined her to be. She was a delight in the Scream Queens challenge, and this week she was one of the best performances in the Snatch Game. I personally think Joslyn should not have been rated as “safe” by the judges, as her performance as Terese Giudice was on par with Ben’s Maggie Smith and Adore’s Anna Nicole Smith. It would be lovely to see Joslyn continue to climb upward in this competition, but at this point her style choices feel too pedestrian for “next drag superstar.”  

4. Courtney Act:
Courtney is wonderful. She is able to turn on classy, funny and salacious, and seemingly without much effort. To see Courtney crack the top four would please us, but for her to make number one we would need to see her get rougher around the edges. This look would be ideal for Courtney: 

 3. Ben de la Creme:
Ben has been playing this game very skillfully and strategically. Whereas last
week it appeared that the race was a two-way between Courtney and Bianca, this
week Ben has an edge over Courtney because of her win for the Snatch Game. It
is clear at this point in the competition that Ben has mastered the balance
between high camp and glamour. She also plays older women really well. What
other tricks does she have up her sleeve?

2. Adore:

We don’t want season six to be a predictable season. We
need Adore to sneak into the top three and make this interesting, and from the
viewpoint of the Snatch Game it’s totally plausible. She just needs to stop
cutting her legs off at the ankles.

1. Bianca:

Bianca’s choice to play Judge Judy felt a bit
safe. Nonetheless, she did a swell job in the Snatch Game this week, and she
even managed to throw Laganja off her game (always a pleasure). A pleasant
surprise in this week’s episode was the sight of Bianca being maternal to Adore
in the workroom. It has been pointed out to me that Bianca may purposely be
keeping her biggest competition closest to her, and that she is still playing
the game in her kindest moments. This is a valid observation, but I also feel
like Bianca is now warming up to the queens whose craft she actually respects.
She has said before that she is not in this competition to make friends, but by
happenstance it may happen that Bianca will leave this season with a few
squirrels in her rolodex. 

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