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Ryan Gosling Lays An Oeuf At Cannes With “Lost River”

Ryan Gosling Lays An Oeuf At Cannes With "Lost River"

I asked my source at Cannes to send me back a few reviews this morning and he gladly obliged.  He loved everything about “Foxcatcher”, especially Steve Carell’s brilliant performance, thought “Mr. Turner” was an unexpected gem, didn’t think “Grace Of Monaco” was all that bad (and isn’t that high praise indeed!), and thinks Marion Cotillard should definitely win Cannes Best Actress.  But the highlight of our conversation was when it turned to asking what he thought of Ryan Gosling’s directorial debut, “Lost Rivers”.   Don’t worry, I’ve condensed it from its original 20 minute vulgarity-laced diatribe.

Just as a backdrop, the official synopsis of the film reads, “A single mother is swept into a dark underworld, while her teenage son discovers a road that leads him to a secret underwater town”.  Having said that, my source, after 105 painful minutes he likened to either waterboarding or having one’s eyelids glued to a moving vehicle, still couldn’t figure out anything approaching a plot.  The film’s pretense and self-importance gallops rampant throughout the film, which Gosling also wrote.  I urge you to click the Youtube teaser for the film below (“look at my muscles, look at my muscles, look at my muscles!!!).   Needless to say ladies and gentlemen, this is not your mother’s Ryan Gosling.

And by the way, my source was not alone in his disdain for the film as most in the Cannes audience booed at the end, although he did admit that some applauded heartily, which my source could only surmise were Gosling immediate family members or attendees simply overjoyed to have had the whole wretched experience over and done with.  My friend could imagine all 300 of them in a circle in the coming months where sharing would begin with one of them saying, “Hi I’m Bob and I survived “Lost Rivers”…..“Hi Bob!!!”    The film stars Christina Hendricks, Saoirse Ronan, Eva Mendes and Matt Smith, whose befuddled look throughout the proceedings warranted a t-shirt that read “I-Single-Handedly-Saved-Doctor-Who-And-All-I-Got-Was-This-Lousy-Part”

More reviews coming as the week progresses. 


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