Ryan Gosling’s Directorial Debut, “Lost River,” Is a “Film Maudit Crapocalypse”

Even at queue-happy Cannes, the line to get into Ryan Gosling’s “Lost River” was sufficiently mad that several critics felt the need to document it. But two hours later, the “fantasy thriller” is having most of them regret the wait, with the movie’s unhinged insanity being the only redeeming quality. Here’s the reaction, hot off the Croisette.

Cannes so far lacks a film-maudit crapocalypse. LOST RIVER just supplied it. All Gosling’s pet Lynch films, filtered through Refnvision.

— Tim Robey (@trim_obey) May 20, 2014

If a $200 haircut and $900 shades were given lots of money to defecate on Detroit, the result would be Ryan Gosling’s directing debut.

— Wesley Morris (@Wesley_Morris) May 20, 2014

Lost River: Ryan Gosling confuses ‘making film’ with ‘assembling Tumblr of David Lynch & Mario Bava gifs’. Dumb-foundingly poor #Cannes2014

— Robbie Collin (@robbiereviews) May 20, 2014

Gosling’s LOST RIVER a first-rate folie de grandeur. Echoes of Argento, Korine, Lynch, Malick in a tedious allegory of Detroit as ghost town

— Scott Foundas (@foundasonfilm) May 20, 2014

Ryan Gosling’s directing debut: let’s see God forgive this…

— Jonathan Romney (@JonathanRomney) May 20, 2014

Ryan Gosling’s directorial debut LOST RIVER is like the residue of a collision between GUMMO & TWIN PEAKS. No, really. #cannes

— erickohn (@erickohn) May 20, 2014

LOST RIVER: Unholy Motors. Gosling’s Motown fantasy blitzes eye & mind. Carax/Lynch honored, audience baffled, but that’s OK. #Cannes2014

— Peter Howell (@peterhowellfilm) May 20, 2014

Yeah, LOST RIVER’s inchoate and indulgent, but at least Ryan Gosling’s interested in visuals and cribbing from edgier filmmakers. #cannes

— Alison Willmore (@alisonwillmore) May 20, 2014

LOST RIVER: Blue Velvet Of The Southern Wild. A pile-up of Gosling’s influences & ideas: not good, as such, but not boring #cannes

— olilyttelton (@olilyttelton) May 20, 2014

Cripes. Ryan Gosling’s Lost River is a lurid mash up of Lynch, Refn and Edward Hopper. In a bad way. #Cannes2014

— Kate Muir (@muirkate) May 20, 2014

If BLUE VELVET and DRIVE had a disfigured baby that kept making a constant mess it would be called LOST RIVER. #Cannes2014

— Nik Grozdanović (@nikgrape) May 20, 2014

So the Ryan Gosling is utter guff. Backwater sub-Lynch cliche after cliche. N Winding Refn would be proud

— Dave Calhoun (@davecalhoun) May 20, 2014

Lost River: Ryan Gosling’s directorial debut is a grimy urban fable equally indebted to Refn, Lynch and Hot Topic. #Cannes

— William Goss (@williambgoss) May 20, 2014

Benoit Debie’s photography in Ryan Gosling’s LOST RIVER is like nothing else. Unfortunately, so’s LOST RIVER. #Cannes2014

— Jonathan Romney (@JonathanRomney) May 20, 2014

LOST RIVER (Gosling)
The Dark Soul of America
Burns a lot of houses.
Only a dinosaur head
Will save it (maybe?)
Break dance future room.

— Peter Labuza (@labuzamovies) May 20, 2014

LOST RIVER (R-Goz) It’s the TIDELANDS homage we’ve all been waiting for! Turgid trashpile grotesquery.

— David Jenkins (@daveyjenkins) May 20, 2014

Lost River a cacophony of meaningless motifs stumbling round in service of a plot best summed up by “woman decides to move house”

— Jessica Kiang (@jessicakiang) May 20, 2014

NW Refn taught his padawan Ryan Gosling well. If you like that sort of thing you’ll like LOST RIVER. Personally, I’m mixed. #cannes2014

— Jordan Hoffman (@jhoffman) May 20, 2014

LOST RIVER: mesmerising and nightmarish Southern gothic tale with echoes of Lynch, Winding Refn and Mario Bava. Wonderful #Cannes2014

— FilmLand Empire (@FilmLandEmpire) May 20, 2014

Ryan Gosling’s Lost River: Mad jumble of ideas and imagery and dripping with New Orleans style. Much like his music. #Cannes2014

— Joe Utichi (@joeutichi) May 20, 2014

Nicolas Winding Refn’s influence is clear in Gosling’s approach, but he has a voice and a vision of his own as a director. #Cannes2014

— Joe Utichi (@joeutichi) May 20, 2014

Impressive impressionistic well-wrought debut for #RyanGosling with Lost River. Very @DAVID_LYNCH!

— Anne Thompson (@akstanwyck) May 20, 2014

Lost River – Fairy tail-esque mind fuck unlike anything else. Another death of the American dream metaphor, like an unshakable nightmare.

— Alex Billington (@firstshowing) May 20, 2014

LOST RIVER: the ultimate student film, made by industry pros. Lynch, Argento & Refn pulse through it. Moments of madcap mania. Pure homage

— Be(n) Croll (@becroll) May 20, 2014