“I swear to God I had something for this.” (Episode Summary)
CIA Agent Slater reappears with a new mission for the ex-ISIS organization, asking them to extract a freelancer in Buenos Aires — but not just any freelancer. Conway Stern, a double agent who’s been a thorn in the agency’s side before (way back in Season 1, Episode 3 – “Diversity Hire”). He again proves himself more trouble than he’s worth, first telling Lana and Archer he needs to obtain precious intel about Central and South American CIA agents before leaving, and then shooting Archer in the back to sell the disk to the highest bidder. Luckily, Lana’s giant man hands come in handy (phrasing!), in slicing the cyborg’s human hand off in a window.
Meanwhile, Mallory is convinced she’ll be the adopted parent to baby AJ should anything happen to Lana and Archer, but loses her credibility for the role when she loses the baby. A hunt ensues, with accusations being tossed at most of the office workers, and the gang eventually discovers Kreiger holding onto her. (He claims to have her in order to do market research for some sort of children’s toy he’s calling Cyber Neddly Teddly.)
“Bloody Mary, full of vodka, pray for me now…” (Best Drinking Reference)
“Oh, good, you’re making me tea. I could use some with honey, lemon, and bourbon. But actually without the honey and lemon… and the tea.”
There’s something admirable (as a man) and terrifying (as an adult human) about Archer’s desire for alcohol even under the most dire circumstances. After nearly having his windpipe crushed by Conway, he makes the above plea to Lana, purposefully denying himself anything that would actually help him heal. Well, that’s not entirely true. Bourbon has wonderful restorative powers.
“Danger Zone” (Most Action-y Action Scene)
Remember when we told you last week to just wait for what’s to come, action-wise? Tonight’s episode is only part of what we’re talking about. Conway and Archer’s first hand-to-hand fight was our favorite, in part due to the bloody brutality that left us more than a bit scared for Archer’s life in the final showdown (we know he can’ die, but damn that was a lot of blood). The energy of the two combatants was played off by Lana’s casual stroll to the kitchen, a shot that paid off visually — since she was the main focus and the brawlers only an afterthought — as well as comedically, given Archer’s above line. Though brief, the slightly shaky cam paired with the musical overture helped make the fight one of the more creative yet — in every way. Plus, we got to hear Archer scream, “Revenge rampage!”
“I want to know why you don’t want it to be mother.” – Archer
“Because how do you lose a baby?” – Cyril
“Tactleneck” (Archer Innovation)
It’s tempting to credit Kreiger and his dancing teddy bear of terror, but I’ve got to give credit to Archer making himself into a verb during the below exchange between our favorite spy and his baby mama (/the best actual spy):
“What are you doing?”
“I’m Archer-izing this plan.”
“What? No. No. Uh-uh. You cannot make yourself a verb. I will not allow it.”
“I’m a verb now, Lana. Deal with it!”
This seems like it should have happened long ago, right? It was so natural to the proceedings, I question even writing the previous sentence for fear of a better “Archer” fan discovering an obscure instance from the past where this already happened. I don’t know of it, so for now, we honor this.
“That’s like killing a unicorn!” (Best Quote)
“It doesn’t strike you as Brazilian minstrel show meets ‘Trading Places’?” – Lana,
“Can’t or won’t?” (Analysis)
If anything could bring us back from being a little let down that we’re not in Miami anymore, it was a classic episode with all the trimmings. This one was packed to the gills with memorable quotes — as noted by an abundance of them in almost every category above — as well as some genuine plot development regarding baby AJ. Two recurring characters, er, recurred with Conway and Slater, and Mallory showed what kind of vengeful grandmother she’ll be in an otherwise pointless hunt for a lost baby (still funny, though). “Three to Tango” didn’t have the same level of ingenious pizzazz from “Vice,” but it carried its worn weight well.