Hey, squirrel friends!
Mama Ru is back and she’s brought a fierce pack
of blood thirsty queens with her. You can check back here weekly for our recaps
and readjusted Queenly Rankings.
Now, let’s read these bitches for filth! Or, at
least assign a totally subjective ranking based on their performance in week
All Shade—Here’s the Recap:
Another week, another queen gone. Who will it be
“I’m sad that she’s the one I had to send home,”
notes Ginger Minj, wiping away Trixie Mattel’s funny mirror message (“P.S.
Spoiler alert: Trixie doesn’t win!”) after their lip sync. “But I’m happy to
still be here.” Amen, girl. Now put on a smile and stop moping! Moping Ginger
is not a fun Ginger.
Before they head home for the night, Ginger
makes sure to stir up a little drama: she tells Violet that she’d like to see
her lip sync, as she’s the only contestant who hasn’t had to at this point in the
competition. Shady, bitch. ‘Das ‘cause she’s talented, okay?
The next morning, the queens get a vaguely
Japan-inspired video message from RuPaul, but before that’s explained, it’s
The queens have to drag up puppet versions of
their competitors—which they pull out of the “glory-hole-elujah”—and imitate
them; we all remember how hilarious it was last season, but how will this batch
of ladies get by?
They are all kind of lame (aka not as good as
Adore and Bianca imitating each other last season), but a few
puppet-performances stand out: Pearl wisely bedazzles puppet Kennedy, imitating
her incomprehensible Death Becomes Her look, and gets the voice down fairly
well; Violet’s halting, funny delivery of Katya’s air-headedness is perfection;
and Ginger really cracks the code on Violet, poking fun at herself while also
throwing shade at the “aesthetically-oriented,” small-waisted queen (“Why won’t
you ever get your waist down to 2 inches?” “Cause your fat wrist is shoved up
Ginger Minj wins! Well-deserved, and perhaps a
sign of a comeback…?
Not so fast! It’s time for the maxi-challenge,
and Ru brings out a super special guest whose brand is worth over $8 billion!
Who could it be?!
None other than Hello Kitty! The queens are
tasked with creating their own couture Hello Kitty garb out of the animated
sensation’s line of products, while staying true to their own drag vision:
Ginger is allowed a head start in grabbing her
Kitty Girl materials, but she’s back at it, bitching about how she can’t sew.
She notices that Katya and Kennedy also seem stressed to the max with this
challenge. “These bitter old queens are in trouble, girl!” Maybe so…
Violet is excited, which is to be expected given
her expertise in this area. After her triumphant win last week, will she
continue her rise? Immediately she wants to do a 1960’s mod look, and once
again (for me at least) she appears intelligent and thoughtful about her drag.
These bitches underestimate the hell out of her!
As the queens are prepping, Ru comes around with
guest judge for the week (and former full-time judge/Project Runway finalist) Santino Rice! Kennedy wants to make a
catsuit, but doesn’t know how to make a catsuit. Womp womp. Violet is super
flirtatious with Santino which is hilarious, and he actually seems receptive!
True romance? And Ru tries her best to pull Katya out of her doldrums; will she
even get out of the gate? As Violet observes, “Katya has been getting by on
comedy her whole life, so this could be difficult for her.” Spot-on.
Before leaving the workroom, Ru drops a bomb on
the gals: they have to create a second look, using massive Hello Kitty-style
heads to fashion a creature of some sort that that shady Kitty girl would be
BFFs with. Wha?! The looks of desperate sadness on Katya and Ginger’s faces
says it all: how in the hell are we gonna make this shit work?
The next day, we get a little Pearl backstory,
and it is beautiful: apparently this girl has been drawing the character,
Pearl, for years and years (we see some of her illustrations, and they are
pretty fabulous) as a means of escaping shitty stuff in her life. “I realized
that all the things I love, when you boiled them down, they were drag,” she
says. “So one day I painted Pearl on me!” D’awwwww!
It’s Runway time! Ru and Michelle Visage are
sporting some seriously harajuku-inspired hair fashions, and it’s awesome. She
greets the guest judges: Santino Rice and Rebecca Romijn, and things verge on
racism. But, you know, all in good fun?!
First up, the queens present their Hello Kitty
character looks, and holy shit, these are hilarity incarnate! Apparently
everyone had to pre-record a little “About Me” realness for the runway, where
they describe their character, give themselves a nickname, and talk about what
they’ll do when they hang out with BFF Hello Kitty. The stand-outs for me are
definitely Ginger’s moo-moo-sporting Country Cow (“We love to chew cud
together!”), Pearl’s blond-wigged Banji Beatdown (“Hello Kitty and I will be
the best felons 4ever!”), and Katya’s yellow-toothed, Russian Hello Katya (“I
feel like my socialist side will balance out Kitty’s decadent capitalism!”).
Time for some Kitty couture: Violet is decked
out in a sexy cinched pink ensemble that is tailor-made to perfection; Pearl’s
look, while a little dull, is pretty and very well-made, and I love that she
has a giant Kitty head strapped to her own; and the other best look,
shockingly, comes from Ginger, who somehow crafted a wonderfully-fitting
1950’s-style dress with a shit-ton of cats forming a plush boa around her.
Katya and Kennedy somewhat underwhelm, though they still look great: Katya’s
catsuit is sexy but not very Kitty-inspired, while Kennedy’s looks as though it
didn’t require almost any work.
The judges clearly love Violet and Ginger. They
are less pleased with Katya and Kennedy. Once again, they love Katya’s sense of
humor, but for the first time you really get the sense that she is floundering
to keep afloat. Kennedy is even lamer: “I don’t have the creativity of some of
these girls,” she says, excusing herself in the worst way. Ugh. They are
somewhere in between on Pearl, with some of the judges loving her couture’s
simplicity and all of them praising the humor behind her Madonna-esque Kitty
Violet Chachki is declared the winner of this
week’s challenge! Huzzah! I am happy that she is showing what she is truly made
of. Ginger and Pearl are safe, which means that Katya and Kennedy Davenport are
up for elimination!
Things are getting down to the wire. How will
these wildly different queens perform the same song? It’s “Roar” by Katy Perry,
and they are both excellent! Kennedy is flipping and twirling all over the
pace, banging her head along to the beat; Katya is significantly more focused
and poised, delivering a flip and a split at the exact right moment. I far
prefer Katya’s delivery, but…
Kennedy Davenport, shantay, you stay!
Katya, sashay away! “I love you so much,” she
tells Ru (in Russian, of course) before making her well-humored exit from the
NOOOOOO!!!!! This is truly disappointing. She
got in her own head, but really delivered a funny, flirty performance tonight.
It was really close, and I think Katya deserved to stay over Kennedy, but
that’s just how down to the wire things are.
Who on earth is going to go home next week?! Who
will comprise the top three of the season? Violet is on a roll, Ginger’s got a
second wind, Pearl came from behind all season, and Kennedy delivered a
sickening lip sync and saved her motherf*cking life. It’s anyone’s game, y’all!
Turn to the next page for a new ranking of the Queens…
Definitive Ranking of Ru’s Queens (Season 7 Style): For our purposes, the
eliminated queen will be ranked last; everyone else’s spot is fair game!
5. Katya —
This is the first time I have been truly
disappointed in RuPaul’s choice. I wasn’t a huge Trixie fan, Miss Fame’s
elimination was sad, but I honestly think that Ru f*cked it up with this one.
Katya had been struggling some in the challenges, but her lip sync was poised
and beautiful, and she is still the funniest gal of the season. R.I.P. lady!
Can’t wait to see more from you!
4. Kennedy Davenport —
She should have gone home, but that doesn’t mean
that Miss Kennedy isn’t still one of the most talented queens of the season.
Her looks were passable this episode (though not inspired) and her lip sync was
kick ass, even if Katya outshone her. It wouldn’t be surprising to see her head
home in the next challenge.
3. Ginger Minj —
Ginger did well this week. Her Hello Kitty
cow-sidekick was hilarious, though her country twang schtick is getting a
little predictable, and the outfit she made was one of the best things we’ve
seen her in all season. But honestly, I’m just getting tired of her whining.
Her’s has been a downward trajectory this cycle, and it hasn’t brought out the
best in this funny queen.
2. Pearl —
Pearl worked it on the runway this week, and she
definitely had the best Hello Kitty BFF look out of all the queens, even if the
judges docked points for being a little too dangerous for the fluffy pink
brand. She’s consistently funny in the workroom, we are getting to know her
better and better each week, and I find her a breath of fresh air in a pack of
queens who seem so damn stressed all
the time! Keep on keepin’ on, Pearl!
1. Violet Chachki —
Violet deserved her second win in a row this
week! She’s been progressing throughout the season, from bitchy to caring, from
middle-of-the-road to leader of the pack, and I think she will take that all
the way to the finale. She’s the safest queen right now—Ru was just gushing in
her admiration of her during the critique this week—but also a truly daring