“We should be using more holidays as arbitrary points to stop doing things,” Oliver said in his latest web exclusive. “We should have a rule that, after Thanksgiving, you have to stop decorating your home with gourds. It’s cute in October, it’s acceptable but obnoxiously folksy in November, but after that, you’re just keeping loose produce lying around.”
Oliver also suggested a new deadline for when people should stop drinking eggnog: New Year’s Eve. “If you start your calendar year by consuming a beverage with the density and nutritional value of molten steel, scrap the rest of your resolutions and take care of your fucking nog problem.”
Aside from banning certain traditions relating to holidays, he also brings up some phrases that should be banned. Check out the video below.
“Last Week Tonight” returns to HBO on September 25.