Never one to shy away from hot-button issues, the Onion has now seen fit to chime in on one of Hollywood’s most heated debates: the paucity of female filmmakers. A new video finds one Shaun Ditko, the Onion’s critic-at-large, offering a simple solution to a complex problem: “There just simply isn’t enough chocolate on set to keep them happy.”
“How does Hollywood expect to be more inclusive when a woman’s need to always have chocolate treats available to keep her calm and content goes completely ignored?” she asks as images of Sofia Coppola, Kathryn Bigelow and Ava DuVernay appear onscreen. A lack of chocolate-covered cherries isn’t the only barrier to entry, Ditko explains, as the film industry likewise fails to provide an adequate amount of silk pajamas, fuzzy slippers and seaweed-infused facial masks on set.
Until such a time as these humble request are met, she assures us, “progress is at a standstill.” Watch the video below and ponder Poe’s law.