The Onion has been especially hilarious this awards season, and its latest video is no exception: an analysis of the best peach-banging scenes in “Call Me by Your Name.” Only one such scene exists in the actual movie, of course, but don’t let that mar your enjoyment.
Presented as an audio commentary recorded by two of the film’s producers, it begins straightforwardly enough before launching into lines like “here his thoughts of desire culminate in one of six scenes where somebody fucks a peach. Up to this point in the film, the peach-fucking scenes have been quite removed, almost distant, but this time we see the camera lingering on these more tactile images.”
Then the second producer chimes in: “This emphasis here on Elio’s fingers is actually a direct callback or variation on the 17-minute peach-fucking tracking shot that opens the movie, so a continuity is created between those scenes in a way that I think is maybe the most meaningful of the film — although Jordan, I know that you prefer…”
“…yeah, the scene where he fucks two peaches. Yeah, I really do.”
It continues in much the same way, with an impressive number of jokes revolving around not only the idea of peach-fucking but actually saying the words peach-fucking. Watch the whole video here and imagine an alternate ending in which “the entire cast fucks peaches together at the wistful, summery teen party.”