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Rachel Bloom Wants to Turn J.K. Rowling’s Latest ‘Harry Potter’ Retcon Into a Porno

"I don’t want people to masturbate TO it," she said. "I want people to masturbate WITH it."

Rachel Bloom, "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

Rachel Bloom, “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”

Scott Everett White/The CW

As she is wont to do, “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling has added some after-the-fact details to her wizarding world. Speaking about Dumbledore and Grindelwald’s relationship on the upcoming “Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald” Blu-ray, Rowling reportedly calls their bond “incredibly intense. It was passionate, and it was a love relationship.”

“But as happens in any relationship, gay or straight or whatever label we want to put on it, one never knows really what the other person is feeling,” she says. “You can’t know, you can believe you know.”

“Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” creator Rachel Bloom quickly seized on this latest revelation, taking to Twitter to announce that she will “fully fund this pornographic film.” Then the details:

 

Dumbledore’s sexuality was never explicitly mentioned in the books, and Rowling revealed that he was gay after all seven tomes had been published. “I’m less interested in the sexual side — though I believe there is a sexual dimension to this relationship — than I am in the sense of the emotions they felt for each other, which ultimately is the most fascinating thing about all human relationship,” the author also says on the Blu-ray featurette.

“The Crimes of Grindelwald” itself does not actually address this aspect of their relationship.

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